BumbleVee

NEW BLOG!

2008-12-22T07:27:00.000-08:00

I'm doing it; I'm starting a new blog. One with a little bit more of a focus; staying fit w/o a gym membership, and hopefully (one day!) staying fit for free. See fitforfree.wordpress.com.

I'm really really thankful for this blog, where I now have a record of the ups & downs of my relationship with food and activity over the past year. It's time for a fresh start :-)

12/19, and a new blog turn?

2008-12-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

I think I have an idea for how to focus this blog. My goal is to find a sustainable fitness routine that combines yoga, outdoor cardio, and strength training... i.e., staying fit without a gym membership. Maybe this is the angle I should take? It's a big goal of mine, and one I want to chronicle over the next few months (if not longer). I'm planning on "freezing" my gym membership starting next week (so I can go to the gym during work on Monday and Tuesday, if needed), and after that, I want to be gym-free!!

If I decide to do this, I will post before pictures (so you can see the kind of halfhearted "gym shape" that I'm in) and after pictures on my birthday in June, which will be a six-month span. Hopefully I'll be straighter, stronger, fitter, and more confident by then. I think that's a good goal!

12/17, thoughts

2008-12-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

I have that "helpless" feeling again all of a sudden - like no matter what I do I'll never feel healthy and fit again.

But I know that's a huge overreaction. It's a response to having an annoying day yesterday (no sun, freezing, forgot gym clothes and couldn't work out, tired and thus craving sugar all day).

Today WILL BE BETTER. I'm going to yoga during lunch, cooking a healthy meal with a friend tonight, and doing my best to go to bed before 11. I really need to start getting more sleep if I want to have the energy to work out and LIVE!!!!!

I am really torn on whether to keep my gym membership. I haven't gotten into a good schedule with my new commute. Maybe mid-day is the best time for me to work out... maybe I should go after work... maybe I should quit the gym and just do more yoga...

I am torn!!

All of this is making me feel paralyzed, which is silly; I should be ACTING. Okay, first step, back to work.

____

OK, it's 4 PM now -- I went to yoga, had a big bowl of veggie soup with some crackers and almonds, and feel WAY better. I've been thinking for awhile now that I want to quit my gym -- I get sick of it so fast, and I feel like there are things out there that are MUCH better for my psyche (i.e. walking/running outside, YOGA, maybe even dance class?!). I don't want to be a gym person forever -- I see it as a means to the end of staying healthier in a city without a whole lot of outdoor activity. But it's a waste of money! For the money I spend on the gym, I could go to 4–5 great yoga classes every month. I have the time, and now I live in an area without easy access to a gym. I want to spend more time practicing music, reading, writing, and exploring this city. Quitting my gym would be a means to that end, too.

However, the last time I quit the gym, I got realllly out of shape because I didn't give myself enough cardio options. If I buy a bike, that will be a step in the right direction. If I walk more (which I'm doing already since I moved), that will be another positive step. If I go to yoga a couple times a week (in addition to my Wednesday at-work class), that will be a third step.

I just DON'T want to look back on my twenties as a time when I beat myself up over not going to the gym/spent valuable time there/wasted my $ on a stupid gym membership!!! There are other WAY more effective ways to stay fit. And I enjoy being in yoga shape or running shape way more than being in "gym-shape" anyway :)

12/11, list

2008-12-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

Food I need to re-stock that will keep me from nibbling at this & that:

- FRUIT. Apples, bananas, pineapple, grapes.

- Sunflower seed butter. Sounds weird, but if I know I can have a tbsp with an apple for dessert, I will NOT pick at trail mix.

- Soymilk. A tall glass w/ one cookie makes me feel much better than a short glass w/ two cookies (which is what I had last night).

- Fresh greens. I have lots of frozen veggies, but miss fresh spinach salads.

I will restock, either tonight or this weekend!!

12/10, thoughts

2008-12-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

Thoughts:

- I've tried this for the past two days, and I think it's a valuable tool: eat first, then track/count pts. That way I'm not obsessing, just making choices that feel natural to me in the moment, and evaluating them afterward. I think I get too obsessive when I try to plan a whole day in advance, because sometimes you go out to eat unexpectedly/want dessert, and in general, it's stressful trying to predict the future. Right now, this feels right.

- I need to adapt to my current situation: living in a city during the winter without a lot of appealing outdoor activities. I keep "going back" mentally to college, summers at home and in different cities, studying abroad, but at some point this week I realized: I can't try do what I did then and expect it to work. This is a different time, a different place, and poses a different set of challenges. I went to the gym for an hour yesterday during my lunch break, and felt SO much better afterwards... and went home and fixed dinner right after work. This might not work every day, but it could work MOST days, and I wouldn't have to worry about motivating myself to get out of bed early or go to the gym after work. It feels natural to my current situation. I should keep doing it as long as it feels that way.

- My desire to get into better shape/lose weight does not mean that I should "motivate" myself to a mental space that I don't usually occupy. I'm going to try to stay in the same mental space for now, and see if it changes as my habits change.

- I went for a great run on Saturday, taking walk breaks as needed, and did a mile on the treadmill at the gym yesterday. I realized that this "motivation to a differnet place" thing (sorry my writing is really bad right now) applies to exercise as well. I shouldn't try to do 2 miles when my cardiovascular system and muscles (not to mention brain) only want to do 1. 1 is way, way better than none. And soon enough, 2 will feel natural, and then, hopefully, 3. (When I'm at the point where I can comfortably jog 3 miles, I consider myself to be in decent shape, if not "great" shape.)

- I do way, way better on the exercise front when I have friends to work out with. One of my new Park Slope neighbors wants to start jogging in the park, and I hope we can start this weekend!!

- All of this is a process of accepting where and who I am right now. It doesn't feel like revelation or resignation (which have both frequented my mind in the past few years). It's just being. I feel like that can't be a bad thing.

- I'm proud of myself for only having 1/2 a burrito and a 1/2-size soy ice cream sundae last night. If nothing else, that's progress. I'm having what I want, just not as much and not as often.

THIS CAN ONLY LEAD SOMEWHERE GOOD. That's what I keep telling myself. I'm at a point where I'm happy to keep trying for as long as it takes.

12/4, back

2008-12-04T12:03:00.000-08:00

I'm in a weird place right now...

Let me do this bullet-point style, because I'm not quite sure how everything connects:

—I find myself eating to satisfaction way more often than I used to. Over Thanksgiving, I definitely indulged but never had that "omg sick" feeling after eating. I fixed delicious vegan food for my family on Thanksgiving and thoroughly enjoyed both the meal & dessert. Probably my best Thanksgiving ever.

—While @ home, I exercised every day (2 run/walks with our new dog, and 1 elliptical workout). I stopped tracking, though, after the first night, after only planning to take Thanksgiving off. I can definitely feel it, and re-started today.

—I lost 3 pounds 2 weeks ago, but haven't weighed in since then, mostly b/c I can tell I've probably put it back on.

—I don't mind my body. It's an amazing feeling. I look in the mirror, see that I'm not in the best shape ever, but don't feel the self-hatred I had become accustomed to feeling. Yes, I used to weigh 30 lbs less; yes, I used to be in much better shape; but I feel like I'm looking at my body as it truly is for what may be the first time in my life. Before, even when I was smaller, I looked at myself and all I saw was flaws. I couldn't even enjoy being in good shape. Could this be that elusive "self-acceptance" thing I've been hearing about my whole life??

—I had a talk with my boyfriend a few nights ago about how my first instinct, when I feel like my life is running away from me, is to look for something I can control that will make everything make sense. Examples: "I'll go to bed at 11 every night," "I'll go to the gym every day after work/every day during lunch," "I'll follow WW to a T." He encouraged me to go with the flow, and recognize that these "controlled" things don't last forever, nor do they actually help anything in the long run. I agree. And this helps me envision a future where eating well & exercising are natural, part and parcel of a healthy, full, life.

—I miss the feeling of being physically fatigued after a good workout. This sounds weird, but it's so much more fun to be "lazy" (e.g. have a night in, watch a movie, sit around drinking tea) when you've gotten in a good workout that day. At least for me. I like knowing this: I miss exercise when I don't do it. It makes my life better. I want to do it more than I have been in the past few weeks.

I just moved to a new apt., and my schedule has changed slightly . . . but I'm excited to start a new routine. And excited for my WW meeting tonight—I miss it when I don't go. Another good thing to recognize.

P.S.: Thanks, StatusQuoman, for inspiring me to post again after this long hiatus. I needed to read your most recent post—it definitely hit home!!

11/10, and catching up

2008-11-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

I missed the last week because I didn't really feel the need to blog, simple as that. Here's a few thoughts...

- I want to collaborate with my bf on his "veganforayear" blog. I think if the two of us work together, posting recipes we've invented/tried out and products we like, it'll be a lot of fun!

- I can feel my relationship with food moving in a really positive direction, thanks to this blog, the blogging community, and, above all, my ww meetings. Following that program has only resulted in about a 5 lb. weight loss so far (since the summer), but following a concrete plan has taken away SO MUCH of the stress of eating and exercising... I can't extol its benefits enough!

- Obama won !!!!!!!

11/4, and biting my nails...

2008-11-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

I phone-banked for Obama last night and Peter Yarrow from Peter, Paul, & Mary came and sang us a song! It was a memorable evening.

We got the apt.!! I can't wait to move in December. It'll be such a good chance to sort through all my stuff, get rid of stuff I don't really want/need, and expand into a bigger kitchen!

Today...

b: soy yogurt with 1/2 c. pumpkin, 1 c. kashi cinnamon harvest, and 1 tbsp sunflower seed butter

l: leftover beef/noodle/veggie/beer stew with chick peas; bell peppers w/ hummus

X: walk during lunch

sn: soy yogurt w/ all bran

X: walk after work (if time)

d: TBD... going to an election party and plan to indulge in some vegan cake!!

11/3, and moving forward

2008-11-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

Great weekend! Tried 2 new recipes: "beef" stew with beer (tasty!) and whole-wheat Irish soda bread (love the texture but the taste is a little too "soda-y" for me... I might cut down on the baking soda next time). Also got in a workout both days: 10 min. elliptical, 20 min. weights, and a walk on Saturday and a 2-mile jog on Sunday (plus another walk).

Will find out about the apartment today.... fingers crossed! I also decided to apply for NYCTF and TFA this weekend.... I feel like I'm making steps towards a future that is more "me" and has more purpose (and revolves less around "filling up time" and worrying about food and exercise). I'm actually really glad I'm taking this time to heal my relationship w/ food and exercise—I think it's helping me move forward with my life!

b: coffee with soymilk and a tiny bit of "brownulated" sugar; 1 pc. homemade Irish soda bread with sunflower seed butter

l: lima beans with olive oil/pepper dressing; carrots with hummus

X: walk during lunch (at least 1 mile)

sn: 4 slices veggie bologna; apple; a couple tbsps of dried edamame

X: evening walk

d: big salad with beans, tofu, veggies, and ff dressing; 1/3 pumpernickel bagel; 1/2 beer

10/31, and delicious orange food

2008-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

b: soy yogurt with 1 serving shredded wheat'n'bran, a little soymilk, a chopped apple, ground flax, and 1 tbsp sunflower seed butter (I let it sit and the flavors blended beautifully)

l: 1/2 c. pumpkin mixed into another soy yogurt, topped with 1/2 c. hemp granola and a mini-box of all-bran cereal; baby carrots with spicy chipotle hummus (yum!)

sn: veggie turkey slices, the rest of the hummus, pear

d: TBD (going out)

Probably no formal exercise today—my calf is acting up :-( I need to wear supportive shoes!! Will definitely take some short walks, though.

Hopefully finding out about this apt. today!! (Fingers crossed) I really want to get the awkward conversation with my landlord out of the way...

10/30, on an upswing

2008-10-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

I felt nasty last night and took some Nyquil and emergen-C, slept for a solid 9 hours, and feel way better this morning!

We're applying for the apartment, which is exciting—it would be great to have some extra cash to enjoy NYC with!

And...finally...WW today. I did better this week than last week points-wise, and last week I maintained my weight, so we'll see what happens. I DO feel like I'm getting better at this whole point-counting thing, though! It doesn't stress me out anymore—good choices lead to staying w/in my points range. And good choices make me feel better. So it's a cycle that I hope will perpetuate itself. I'm hoping this will go for exercise, too—yesterday, at yoga, I told myself that I wouldn't do anything that didn't FEEL GOOD, and it made the class sooo much more rewarding. I could do THAT kind of 1-hour yoga class every day with no reservations. In the past I think I tried to grit my teeth and power through it, telling myself that I would be happy once it was over and my muscles had that tired, fatigued feeling. But the "feel-good" method is so much better, for now at least.

Today's eats:

b: oatmeal (1/2 c. oats, a small handful of shredded wheat, 1 c. soymilk) with a sliced banana, 2 tbsp flax, and date pieces for sweetness (this was a perfect breakfast! not too much, not too little). Also having tea w/ soymilk 1 sugar in the raw at work.

l: 1.5 c. vegan corn/potato/veg. chicken "chowder" with 1/2 c. chick peas; apple; soy yogurt w/ 1/2 c. hemp granola

X: walk during lunch

sn: another apple, Yves veggie bologna slices

d: 1/2 c. vegan corn/potato/etc., vegan chicken patty, guacamole; pumpkin with a little hemp granola and a smidge of jam and almond butter

sn: a couple bites of vegan chocolate "ice cream," a small handful of all-natural cracked pepper potato chips (I don't even like potato chips and these were AMAZING!), sliced pear with 1 tbsp sunflower seed butter (I was up late and dinner was early—guess this'll have to be a "splurge day" for the week).

10/29, and new apt. pros&cons, round 2

2008-10-29T07:05:00.000-07:00

Last night the dried edamame snack didn't really do the trick, and I ended up having a chocolate raw food bar as well (split in halves before/after a 20-min. elliptical workout). For din I had carrots, rice crackers, hummus, and ~1 c. faux-chicken/rice/veggie gumbo.

Went to see an apt. last night, so I'm going to do a list of pros and cons before I forget... I have to give my answer to the building manager within the next day or two!

WHY MOVE?

- significantly less expensive (I would save $190 in rent every month—that's pretty huge)

- bigger kitchen

- more closet space

- could potentially store bikes in the building

- in the same building as friends

- near Prospect Park

- near friends in Brooklyn

- one block away from a great yoga studio

- one block away from a great co-op market

- rent stabilized—could potentially move into another apt. in that building.

WHY STAY PUT?

- avoid potential lease-breaking problems w/ landlord

- avoid risk of losing security deposit

- bathroom is waaaay nicer—the one in the other apt. is tiiiiny.

- laundry in building

- big windows, better light

- convenient to work

- near Fairway

- heat & hot water free to tenants

Better figure it out soon!!!

Today:

b: soy yogurt mixed with ~1/4 c. pumpkin, topped with 1/2 c. hemp granola, 1 sliced banana, 1 tbsp almond butter, and a couple tbsp chopped dates

l: ~1 c. leftover gumbo with 1/2 c. chick peas and some broccoli rabe; amy's veggie burger; apple

X: 1-hour yoga class

sn: soy yogurt, 1/2 c. hemp granola, apple

X: 2-mile walk home from work

d: veg. chicken patty, sweet potato rounds, and teriyaki broccoli/corn

dessert: chocolate oats (1/2 c. oats, 1/2 c. soymilk, a little water, some cocoa powder, 1 pc. unsweetened baking chocolate, some date pieces and a smidge of almond butter—ate most but not all of this)

10/28, and natural tendencies

2008-10-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to work WITH my inclinations rather than against them... so here are some observations:

- I feel good when I leave my stomach empty for 4–6 hours between meals, but if I don't eat whole-grain/veggie/protein–rich meals, my blood sugar crashes after 2–3 hours and I need a snack.

- My workouts are better when I have a high-energy snack 1–2 hours beforehand

- I CRAVE veggies and fruits. I need a bowl full of fruit and cooked veggies at home at all times!!

- My appetite is getting more and more predictable—during the week I need breakfast, lunch, dinner, and one snack (usually in the afternoon).

- My "danger zone" is in between lunch and dinner—if I don't structure that time, I tend to graze and head for sugary treats.

- Coffee is NOT good for my blood sugar or sanity!

- I crave a mix of cardio and strength-training: a perfect "mini-workout" for me is 20 min. cardio, 2o min weights, and 10 min stretching. A "good workout" would be 45 minutes of one or the other alternating days.

- I love sweet things, but the craving goes away when I incorporate enough fruit (both fresh & dried) with or without nut butter, yogurt concoctions, and hot cereal with sweet topping into my day.

- I never want to give up nuts/nut butter—they keep my stomach full and my taste buds happy!

Today's eats:

b: shredded wheat'n'bran/hemp granola mix, sliced banana, soymilk

l: veggie burger and chipotle hummus on sprouted-grain bread; baby carrots, soy yogurt with 1/2 c. hemp granola

X: brisk 20-minute walk during lunch

sn: small apple, rest of the baby carrots from lunch, 1/4 c. dried edamame with a little fiber one mixed in

X: gym after work—elliptical and weights

d: TBD—going to look at an apt. after work; will have a larabar or luna bar for a post-workout snack if it looks like it'll be awhile 'til dinner.

10/27, and food $

2008-10-27T11:36:00.001-07:00

Had a good weekend that included a huge food shop ($160 split 50/50) yesterday. I've been thinking about small ways to cut down on food expenses—while I don't spend a ton on food (and don't go out to fancy restaurants!) I can certainly improve.

For one, I could bring tea and soymilk to work rather than buying $2 cups of black tea with soymilk from Pret a Manger most days. A box of tea and container of soymilk costs around $5 total and lasts at least two weeks!!

Also, I should cook beans every week. You really can't beat them in terms of price, nutritional value, and how filling they are. Last week's black-eyed-peas saved me a ton of $$—this week I'm planning lima beans and pumpkin/black bean soup!

ALSO, I need to learn to buy MORE of certain things. For example, soymilk and soy yogurt. They are relatively cheap (an 8-serving container of soymilk is only around $3 at Fairway), healthy, filling, and take the place of more expensive items. I have a feeling that if I start buying more of these things, I'll spend less all around.

Finally, I want to start eating more greens. I had a big serving of cooked greens on Friday night and again on Saturday, and it felt amazing. I can't explain it—I felt satisfied, but had that slightly grounded "full" feeling, energized, and HAPPY. I need more greens in my life!

Today's food:

b: soy yogurt with a small chopped apple, 1/2 c. hemp granola, a couple tbsp chopped dates, and 1 tbsp almond butter (DELICIOUS)

l: chipotle hummus/oven-roasted tofurkey sandwich on 2 slices sprouted-grain bread, baby carrots, leftover greens (~1/2 c.) with 1/2 c. chick peas, small apple

X: brisk 2-mile walk during lunch

sn: hot earl grey tea with soymilk, dried edamame (if needed)

d: TBD (going out tonight, too, so I'll probably have a drink)

I'm going to try to get in at least 20–30 minutes of weight-lifting tonight as well—I miss it!!

10/24, WEEKEND

2008-10-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am REALLY looking forward to this weekend!!!

Stayed the same @ WI last night—not surprised, and motivated to use less WPAs this week and put HEALTH FIRST, points second.

Last night I was EXHAUSTED when I got home and had a weird piecemeal dinner of cereal with soymilk and almonds, tempeh with bbq sauce, kale and squash. Weird but filled me up and I didn't eat again for the rest of the night although I was out and about until 11:30 and didn't go to sleep until 12:30.

b: shredded wheat'n'bran, soymilk, sliced banana, 1 tbsp sliced almonds, 1 tbsp walnuts

l: big spinach salad with beans, tofu, and veggies from a deli near work

X: walk during lunch (at least 1 mile)

sn: apple, almonds

X: gym after work

d: bbq tofu wrap, sauteed greens, mashed sweet potatoes and a little cereal

10/23, and back to a semi-regular schedule

2008-10-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping tonight will set me back on a schedule of 7 hours of SLEEP! I'm going to the gym today (have my shoes, headphones, and clothes ready to go), and really can't wait... it's been too long.

I'm looking forward to getting some feedback on my Flex week tonight at ww.

b: oatmeal made with 1/2 c. soymilk, fiber one, a sliced banana, delicious crunchy almond slices, and a drizzle of blackstrap molasses

sn: raw granola bar

X: trip to the gym during lunch

l: 2 c. black-eyed peas with salsa and the last bit of the pumpkin soup mixed in; 2 wheat wraps

d: TBD, but will probably involve CSA veggies and tofu or tempeh

10/22, misc.

2008-10-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

Today my body has been demanding larger meals... I seem to go back and forth. Haven't been sleeping well this week, and consequently haven't gotten to the gym since the weekend. But feel okay because I've been walking and monitoring my food intake more closely. It's amazing how much LESS I eat when I choose to count points / measure. But I'm still satisfied with the amount of food I'm eating. Guess I was just eating waaayy too much before...

b: shredded wheat, fiber one, 2 tbsp walnuts, apple, soymilk

l: pumpkin soup, spicy black-eyed peas, dark chocolate walnut nectar bar

X: walk during lunch

sn: the rest of the black-eyed peas with a whole-wheat wrap

X: walk home from work

d: TBD

Playing a (late) show tonight, so I'll have at least one (free!) drink, probably either a vodka soda or red wine.

10/21, chilllllly!

2008-10-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

The cool weather has definitely hit full force, and everyone around me is getting sick... it finally caught up with me yesterday and I went home early to SLEEP! Made some delicious spicy pumpkin/white bean soup, though—glad to have it around for lunches/dinners this week.

Yesterday I ate 3 larger meals and 1 snack, but today my hunger is coming and going frequently so I'm snacking:

-shredded wheat/fiber one with soymilk

-plum, apple

-whole-wheat tortilla with 1/2 c. spicy israeli cous cous/black beans

- 2 c. black-eyed peas with delicious salsa; 2 c. sauteed kale/collard greens

- GoOrganic bar

Went on a 2-mile brisk walk with a friend after work and had brown rice, tofu, veggies, and tahini sauce for dinner.

My flex week is going well! I'm over my WPA but feel confident for having accounted for everything. I feel like doing Core for the last few months has really helped me refocus on healthy, whole foods. And my clothes are fitting better already, which is never a bad sign. Just need to FOCUS so I don't fall off the wagon in the next two days before my points re-set... maybe "focus" is the wrong word ... just need to remind myself how great it will feel if I go to my meeting on Thursday night feeling confident about my food choices this week!

10/17, points, and rewards

2008-10-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

This time around on flex, I'm trying not to think "points first," but rather "food first" and "low-points" options as a byproduct of good food choices. Being on Core has really helped me refocus on quality whole foods. I can definitely see virtue in combining the two programs. I don't want to be points- or food-obsessed ever again!!!

X: ~1.5 miles on the treadmill, 30 min. weights/strength training

b: 1 c. shredded wheat, 1/2 c. fiber one, 1 small sliced banana, 2 tbsp chopped walnuts, 1 tbsp slivered almonds, and soymilk

l: 1 c. chick peas and 1/2 c. bulgur with sundried tomatoes and salsa; collard greens; raw carrots

X: short walk during lunch (1 mile or so)

sn: tea w/ soymilk, plum, pb cookie larabar

d: TBD

Last night at WW I was down .4 (phew) and really enjoyed the conversation. I met 2 new people, too. I'm really thankful that I've found a meeting where I feel comfortable.

This week is "spa week" in NYC, so I'm getting a discounted deep-tissue massage tonight. I really can't wait. It's been a year since the last spa week and my last massage! I feel like I deserve it after putting so much effort into being HEALTHIER through and through (blog, ww mtgs, weight-training).

10/16, TIRED! and beginning a flex wk.

2008-10-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

Stayed up waaaayy too late last night, but will try not to use it as an excuse to eat!!

I'm going to try flex this week, because I've hit a plateau and need to change things up. Today (not always) but today, I'm not feeling super optimistic about my ability to change my habits. That's why I'm shaking things up with flex... to see if it energizes me or makes me more aware of areas where I can improve.

b: oatmeal with 1/2 c. fiber one, a small sliced banana, cinnamon, 1 tbsp ground flax, and 1 tbsp cashew butter

l: leftovers from last night: ~1.5 c. brown rice, ~ 1c. veggie soup, and ~2/3 c. veggies

X: brisk 2-mile walk during lunch

sn: iced soy latte, GoOrganic bar, apple (will spread throughout the afternoon)

sn: luna bar (was out and about for awhile before dinner)

d: bbq riblet, corn, bulgur, green salad

sn: 1/2 c. fiber one, 1/2 c. soymilk

10/15, ugh

2008-10-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

I feel awful this morning and I KNOW it's from the margarita, salt, and 7.5 hrs. of sleep last night (I really think I need closer to 9 to feel on top of my game).

b: oatmeal with an apple, 2 tbsp flaxseed, 1 tbsp blueberry preserves, and 1 tbsp cashew butter

sn: soy chai latte, leftover split-pea soup and leftover black-eyed peas (a small amt. of each)

X: trip to the gym during lunch

l: jamba juice smoothie

sn: GoOrganic bar

X: brisk 3-mile walk

d: brown rice, spinach dahl, and some potatoes/green peppers (probably around 3 c. total food)

sn: finn crisp crackers with pb&j

I know the answer to this "funk" is LOTS of water, fresh food, and a good workout during lunch (my plan is to get on the elliptical for 20–30 minutes and watch the news, and fit in some lower-body/ab weights if I can). I'm glad I didn't totally overdo it (limited the amt. of chips I had, took home some of my food) but I'm still paying for it today!!

10/14, kicking off a 4-day week

2008-10-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

SO glad this isn't a full week... I definitely wasn't ready to go back to work after the 3-day weekend. It was a good one! I got in a few brisk walks on Saturday, a morning workout (treadmill + upper body weights) on Sunday, and a wonderful 4–5 mile run/walk in Riverside Park last night. I'm trying to increase my mileage and endurance; taking powerwalk breaks as needed is helping a lot!!

b: shredded wheat, soymilk, sliced banana, tea

sn: apple

l: lentils, a little guacamole, roasted veggies with olive oil, and 1/2 a cinnamon-raisin bagel (yum!), another apple

X: brisk 2-mile walk during lunch

sn: pb cookie larabar

X: evening walk—I have over an hour to kill! wheee

d: had around 2 c. of split pea soup... then later went out to a mexican restaurant and had a margarita, a serving of tortilla chips w/ salsa, and spinach and black-eyed peas w/ a little guacamole.

10/10, and optimistic

2008-10-10T06:58:00.001-07:00

Even though I was up slightly last week, I feel good for having such a good Core week, and I'm not giving up on Core yet! I can't explain it, but I feel like the eventual outcome of doing Core is going to be SO worth it. I feel like I'll have a steady relationship with food. I never felt that way about Flex.

I'm really, really glad I went to the meeting last night, because I got to know a few new people (one of whom made Lifetime last night!) and I know I'll depend on that support at future meetings.

I got 11 (!!) hours of sleep last night, so I'm in good shape for the weekend! I'm definitely craving a good workout, but I think I'll have an even better one tomorrow if I take the day off today.

b: multigrain cereal made with water, 1 scoop chocolate protein powder, a sliced banana, and 1 tbsp cashew butter

sn: apple

l: I have leftover quinoa, sundried tomatoes, and 1/4 avocado, and bought a small Indian-style "chat" salad with veggies, potatoes, chick peas, and SPICY spices!! Also had a large chai tea made with soymilk. Took a brisk 1-mile walk during lunch too.

sn: grapes, pb cookie Larabar (eating something sweet but healthy mid-afternoon is really helping me stay on track by getting my sweet tooth "out of the way" before dinner!)

X: going for a walk with a friend this evening

d: making dinner at her place—we're planning pumpkin/bean soup! Can't wait!

10/9, meeting day

2008-10-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

I got 9 hours of sleep last night and got in a morning workout!!! woo hoo! Glad I got in some weight training... it felt great.

This has been my best Core week so far. I've accounted for EVERYTHING and used less WPAs then I have yet (I have yet to make it through a week without going over my 35, though). I'm just trying to reduce the amount I eat SLOWLY so I don't "rebel" and eat a ton! I really think SLEEP was the key this week. I ALWAYS eat more when I don't get enough sleep!!

I also identified the period between lunch and dinner as my danger zone, where my hunger patterns are most erratic and I'm more likely to snack. The substantial afternoon snack helps; it also helps if I break up my lunch into 2 parts and eat one at noon and one around 2:30 or 3. I have a feeling that drinking tea would help, too.

X: 15 min bike, 20 min weights/sit-ups/etc., 5 min treadmill warmdown

b: multigrain cereal with 1/2 c. soymilk, a chopped apple, a sliced banana, 1 tbsp cashew butter, ~1/2 tbsp blueberry jam, and a drizzle of blackstrap molasses

l: leftover tofu and bell-pepper/pineapple stir-fry from last night; apple; plain soy yogurt with fiber one

X: 1-mile brisk walk during lunch

sn: apple (third today!), GoOrganic dark chocolate granola bar (to fend off the unavoidable chocolate cravings...)

WW: +.2
X: brisk 2-mile walk home

d: the last of the sundried tomato tofu and bell pepper/pineapple stir-fry with 2 tsp olive oil and 1 c. red quinoa

10/8, back to bigger meals

2008-10-08T09:35:00.001-07:00

Going back and forth btw. mini-meals and 3 larger ones seems to be working for me, depending on my schedule. Glad to have that flexibility.

Lunch was reallly satisfying today—it was a perfect combination of protein, fiber, veggies, and grains. I normally wouldn't eat 3 wraps (even though they're small) in one sitting, but I can tell this lunch will keep me full for hours!

b: shredded wheat/fiber one with a small chopped apple, a sliced banana, cinnamon, and soymilk

l: tempeh and sauteed greens with garlic wrapped up in 3 small sprouted-grain wraps; apple

X: 1-mile walk during lunch—had a free sample 100 calorie pack of craisins

sn: plain soy yogurt with a spirutein protein powder packet mixed in, topped with fiber one

X: 2-mile walk home from work

d: tofu with chick peas, sundried tomatoes, roma tomatoes, rosemary, basil, and olive oil (just threw it all in a pot and let it simmer for awhile—it was great!!); baked sweet potato rounds w/ ketchup; big bell pepper/greens/pineapple stir-fry. For "dessert" I had more pineapple and a small sliced apple with 1 tbsp cashew butter. Then for a LATER dessert (hormones are getting to me!) I made ~1/3 c. multigrain cereal with a small piece of baking chocolate melted in and a little brown sugar on top. YUM.

Last night I went to visit the apt. I might be moving into... it was cute, but didn't blow me away. The kitchen, though, is much roomier than the one I have now, and there's a BIG fridge (right now I have a little half-sized one), and four burners (I have two). Very tempting!

10/7, and a good start

2008-10-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

I met a friend at the gym today for an 8 AM workout, which meant I got up at 7 and packed my work clothes, breakfast and lunch, deoderant/makeup/etc., and got out the door by 7:40. It was worth it, though... it's 9:30 and I'm full of energy!

sn: tea, soymilk, 1 c. grapes, and a small sprouted-grain wrap with 1 tbsp cashew butter and ~1/2 tbsp blueberry jam

X: 35 min. elliptical, 15 min. weights/stretching

b: apple, plain soy yogurt with a spirutein protein powder packet, fiber one

l: 2 small sprouted-grain wraps, the last of the tofu salad, a yellow bell pepper, and another (small) apple

X: brisk walk during lunch (2 miles)—it felt great to get out in the sunshine!

sn: plum, GoOrganic bar

sn: small bowl shredded wheat with soymilk and a tiny bit of trail mix on top

sn: tempeh with hot sauce, sauteed greens, grapes

I was out and about all day/evening and the mini-meals/snacks kept me going well.

10/6, headachy...

2008-10-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

I had such a great day yesterday but it tapered off by evening and I found myself getting bored (should've made plans!) It wasn't all lost, though... I practiced guitar and wrote a song in open tuning, which I've never done before... it was fun! Made a really good dinner, too, with tofu, fruits, veggies, and soy yogurt. Yum.

This morning I woke up feeling super headachy, though... maybe dehydrated from yesterday?

Today:

b: grapes, peach, 1/2 c. multigrain cereal with 3/4 c. soymilk, 1 tbsp cashew butter, and 1 tbsp blueberry preserves

l: tofu salad, small sprouted wrap, red bell pepper, plum

X: 1-hour yoga class or a walk during lunch (TBD)

sn1: soy yogurt, fiber one, apple

sn2: pb cookie larabar

X: 2-mile walk home from work

d: small sprouted wrap with more tofu salad, apple slices with cinnamon, fiber one with soymilk and a little blueberry preserves

sn: more multigrain cereal with chopped fruit, a little brown sugar, and some crumbled nuts (probably didn't need this but dinner was more of a mini-meal)

Went to a talk tonight on preserving neighborhood business in NYC despite gentrification...

10/5, YEAH!!

2008-10-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today has been so great so far. I woke up, finished the book about the ultramarathoner, played piano, put away clothes, went for a run/walk (~4 miles total—it felt so good!) showered, went to the farmers' market and the grocery store, and now I'm home!

b: shredded wheat, banana, soymilk, cinnamon, dried currants, and 7 almonds
sn/l: chick peas with garlic, 1 tsp sesame oil, tomatoes, and a little bok choy; 3 almonds and a small handful of dried currants
X: 4-mile run/walk
sn: 2/3 c. soymilk blended with ice and 1 scoop chocolate protein powder

I'm about to have another snack of grapes, a farmers' market apple, and 1 tbsp cashew butter, and will probably make a stir-fry later! Hope to finish Johnny Cash's autobiography tonight :)

10/4, over and out

2008-10-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a good weekend so far—GREAT weight training session on Friday night, day of rest today with three good meals and a great evening snack . . . it's amazing how good it feels to eat healthy. But the real reason I'm checking in is because I was supposed to run the Army 10-mile race today, but my ankles didn't feel up to it everytime I pushed it over 3.5–4 miles, so I decided pushing it farther wasn't a great idea, and I didn't do the race. While babysitting today, I picked up a book of the shelf called Ultra Marathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner and read 177 pages of it while I was waiting for the parents to come home. GOOD GRIEF this guy is incredible. At the point in the story I've just gotten to, he finished a 100+ mile run through Death Valley in the summer!!! Insane. This guy makes me feel like I can do anything, bum ankle or no. I know I will find my way back to running, and make it a meaningful part of my life once again. The weight training I'm doing now will get me there. I KNOW it. And when I get back there I'm going to harness the energy without letting it turn into self-hatred / anti-body sentiments (which it tends to do...). I love to run and don't feel like myself when I can't do it. It's wonderful to feel that clarify once again. And I'm going to go tomorrow!!!

10/3, back on the wagon

2008-10-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

I let myself go yesterday, but am definitely ready to rein in today. I may take a benadryl tonight so I can get a decent amount of sleep!!

Forgot to mention that I also took an evening walk yesterday.

b: oatmeal made with water and 1/2 scoop protein powder; 1 tbsp pb (NEED TO BUY FRUIT & SOYMILK!)

l: big salad from a deli near work, maybe w/ soup on the side

sn: dried edamame, piece of fruit, and maybe some almonds

X: going to the gym after work

d: CSA veggie stir-fry (bok choy, bell peppers, tomatoes) with bulgur and either tofu or tempeh

10/1, and a much-welcomed new ww week

2008-10-02T06:45:00.001-07:00

I haven't "fallen off the wagon" like this so far since I've re-joined ww... by this I mean that I haven't tracked points/core foods at all for the last 2 days, and I'm feeling pretty lost at sea right now. My only goal for the new week is to write everything down.

I KNOW the problem is that I really, really need more sleep, but I am having such a hard time with that.

This morning I woke up craving sugar, which is ALWAYS a bad sign. I had a really big breakfast. Oh well. I tracked everything, brought food w/ me for the day, and will try to bounce back. I just feel awful right now... tired, like my throat is getting sore... blah.

b: smoothie made with soymilk, banana, ice, protein powder, and 1 tbsp pb; 1 c. hemp granola with the rest of my soymilk

X: 2-mile brisk walk during lunch

l: 1/2 c. oats made with water, riblet, baby carrots w/ balsamic dressing, pineapple

sn: the rest of the pineapple

d: tofu/udon/veggie soup; 4 pieces veggie/brown rice sushi roll

sn: carrots, crackers, and a couple chips with hummus and guacamole; 4 fig newmans; some popcorn (while watching the debate @ a friend's place)

Stayed up too late and was hungry when I got home: had 1/2 a yogurt, a spoonful of pb, and 1/2 a clif bar.

10/1, and stress management

2008-10-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

I read an article at Sparkpeople today about the stress we place on ourselves when we're trying to change our lifestyle in some way. I've been maintaining my weight for the last two months, with ups and downs, and I know I need to make more significant changes to my eating habits if I want to get down to my "happy weight."

I'm starting to notice trends. On days when I eat mostly whole foods—especially beans, fruits, and vegetables—I feel like I'm making progress. I also feel that way after meals when I'm pleasantly full but not overstuffed.

I should recognize that I have made significant changes to my workout routine. I'm going for BALANCE. In the past I did mostly cardio and I didn't really notice significant changes in my body... and I was way too focused on the calorie number on the machine, and not focused enough on whether I was pushing myself or really building strength. Now I do a lot more weights and strength training, and I can FEEL my body getting stronger. It's a great feeling!! But when I LOOK at myself, I see muscles that aren't toned and fat where there didn't used to be fat (my stomach has really been getting to me lately), and I know that I need to change my food intake if I really want to see results.

The biggest change for me HAS to be taking time on the weekends to prep veggies, beans, and grains for the week. I need to make this easier for myself.

b: soy yogurt with ~1/4 c. oats, 1/2 c. hemp granola, banana, and ~1/4 c. dried berries

sn: apple

l1: leftover chick peas/tomatoes/swiss chard (with a tiny bit of bulgur in the mix), 23 almonds, and a few baby carrots

X: 1-hour yoga class

l2: salad with tofu, veggies, olives, with a tiny bit of balsamic vinaigrette

sn: 1/2 c. granola, soymilk, a little pb

d: riblet, sweet potato, leftover chick peas/tomatoes

sn: oatmeal with more granola, soymilk

I feel like I ate so much tonight for the wrong reasons :-( (Fatigue, stress)

9/30, SLEEP, and new beginnings

2008-09-30T07:14:00.001-07:00

I did NOT get enough sleep last night but I feel strangely okay... probably because I had fun staying up late and goofing around. I always feel more tired after a night of being out at a party I don't want to be at, or stewing over a fight. I feel good today!

b: oatmeal with soymilk, banana, 18 almonds, and a drizzle of molasses

sn: apple

l: large lentil/spinach/mulligatawney soup from a deli near work; plum

sn: small chai latte (made with soymilk), GoOrganic bar

X: 30 min elliptical, 20 min weights/stretching/sit-ups

sn: 1/2 clif bar (on the way back from the grocery store—I was STARVING and this was within reach! Once home, I nibbled on some granola and dried fruit, too...)

d: a little of my leftover chick pea/tomato dish, bbq riblet, swiss chard, corn, and ~1/2 c. leftover pasta with earth balance

dessert: soy yogurt with a little granola and dried fruit

Also had a propel drink later in the evening.

There's a possibility we might be able to move into a friend's rent-controlled apartment in Park Slope. I found out last night and got super excited, then figured I should calm myself down, because I've worked myself up over apartments before and then, when they haven't worked out, I've been super disappointed for no reason. So, here are the pros of moving/staying where we are:

WHY STAY?

Neighborhood is AMAZING! Safe, quiet, near an express subway stop (and 3 other subway lines), can walk to countless restaurants, 2 parks (this is the biggest thing for me), movie theater, really cheap grocery store, corner store, coffee. Laundry in building. Super is on the ball and fixes apartment problems as soon as they come up. Rent is lower than most of my friends are paying. Small gym in building.

WHY MOVE?

MORE SPACE. I could get a bike!!!!!!! Near park. Neighborhood is way more relaxed. In building with friends, in neighborhood near friends and bf's work. Closets, separate kitchen!! In a really great neighborhood. Change things up, beat inertia, live in Brooklyn since I've spent the last SEVEN YEARS (good grief) in Manhattan. Oh, and I could go to the open mic more often.

So either way I win, in some way. AHHH BUT I HOPE WE GET IT!!!!

9/29, the good and the bad

2008-09-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

BAD: I feel so lethargic lately! I think because my sleep schedule is askew. And the post-coffee addiction system haywire. Plus I've been eating A LOT (but trying to make snacks core, and stopping when full, except for lunch today, which I totally overdid... oh guacamole why do you tempt me).

GOOD: I had a decent cardio session and lifted weights last night. Felt SO MUCH BETTER and stronger aftewards.

I'm trying to keep an eye on balance, and unofficially trying to cut down my mile time for the Red Ribbon 5K this New Years' Eve. I'd love to beat my time from last year. That will make me feel like I've progressed in the last year.

b: oatmeal with 1/2 c. soymilk, 1/2 scoop chocolate protein powder, banana, 1 tbsp pb

l: chipotle burrito bowl with rice, black, beans, veggies, salsa, and guacamole

sn: soy latte

X: walk after work, apple for a snack

d: big Rosh Hashana dinner at a friend's place: veggies/pita with hummus/vegetarian "chopped liver" (weird but good); pita and apple with agave nectar; matzoh ball soup (just had veggies/broth); stuffed cabbage, tzimmes, and kale salad; and more tzimmes for dessert. I was STUFFED!!! But it was all delicious.

I'm thinking of doing some sort of unofficial "cleanse" in the next week or two... my system just feels so weird and off. If so I'll do raw food for 3–5 days. I've done this a few times and always feel a million times better (and more centered) afterwards.

9/26, and ENDORPHINS

2008-09-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

I was SO HAPPY with my workout last night... it was the first time in awhile that I worked out and immediately felt energized and HAPPY... and I think the key was the combination of weight-lifting and sprinting on the treadmill. Challenging but definitely releases endorphins!! I feel recharged. Taking the week to rest definitely helped, plus the great variety of fruits & veggies I had for dinner last night and lunch today.

I am genuinely looking forward to going to the gym tonight!!

b: steel-cut oats with soymilk, banana, 1 tbsp pb, and 1 tbsp brown sugar

sn: apple

l: 1/2 mango, 2/3 avocado, leftover tofu/pineapple, and ~1 c. lentils with goddess dressing

sn: small soy latte, GoOrganic granola bar

X: going to the gym with a coworker—probably elliptical and weights

d: TBD

9/25, mtg today

2008-09-25T06:31:00.001-07:00

Feeling "big" today so I'm not expecting miracles at WI, but I'm glad I "kept it together" even w/ the funk this week. I finally got a good night's sleep last night, kicked my coffee habit this week (back on tea and it feels SO MUCH BETTER!!!), didn't spend too much money (another ongoing goal), tried to use up what was left in my kitchen, didn't feel too "out of control" around the cookies, didn't overdo it on exercise when I felt myself getting sick...

Plus, regardless of whether I go down at WW today, my clothes are fitting better (some are even loose) and I KNOW after a couple trips to the gym I'll feel back on top of my game physically.

b: bulgur hot cereal made with water with 1/2 scoop protein powder stirred in, sliced banana, and 7 almonds

l: big salad from a deli around here (prob. with tofu, beans, veggies, and olives)

sn: GoOrganic dark chocolate granola bar

WW: up 1.6 (no surprise)
sn: fruit leather, apple with 1 tbsp pb
X: 2.5 miles on the treadmill, upper body weights (45 min total)

d: SO GOOD: 1/2 a mango, baked tofu with pineapple, and roasted red and yellow bell peppers, and 1/3 avocado, with the last of the hummus (around 1 tbsp)
dessert: 1/2 portion ezekiel cereal with a little soymilk; smoothie made with 1/2 c. soymilk, ice, and 1 banana

Eat cookies for dessert every day all week and you gain weight.... let's see what happens when I in fruit instead :)

9/24, riding out the funk

2008-09-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided not to fight the funk, just ride it out and try to minimize damage. Last night I was a little disappointed in myself for not making it to the gym (my body is REALLY craving cardio/weights) and for eating dessert when I didn't need it... and I found myself wishing my house was full of fruits and veggies and soymilk so I could make a healthy snack... I guess that was the real problem. But rather than beat myself up I took it easy, cleaned my apartment a bit (put away laundry and did the dishes), and tried to relax. I told myself I would get up and run this morning, and set the alarm for 7:00, but I ended up staying up until 2:30 so I slept in until about 8:15.

It would be REALLY easy to let this turn into a downward spiral, but I refuse to let unnecessary sources of stress work their way in. For example, I promised myself I would have a healthy breakfast this morning, and I did... and I'll go to yoga today, and hopefully go for a walk later. AND try to go to bed at a decent hour so I can get up and run tomorrow morning!!

b: plum, banana, oatmeal (with a tsp of sugar on top), and tea w/ soymilk

sn: granny smith apple

pre-yoga: 1/2 c. leftover spicy black beans, ~1/8 c. dried edamame (the last of it), balsamic beet salad, plum

X: 1-hour yoga class

post-yoga: small seaweed salad, small lentil soup (will spread throughout afternoon)

X: 2-mile walk downtown

sn: pb cookie larabar (and 1/2 a beer at a bar after work)

d: homemade veggie/rice soup (around 1 c.), baby carrots with hummus

dessert: 3 famous amos cookies, tea (THANKFULLY these cookies are now gone!!)**

All it will take to ride this out is a trip to the grocery store, a good night's sleep, and a good sweat session at the gym.

**I'm happy to say that I stuck to a serving size (3 cookies) or less of these cookies (which are basically vegan oreos) every time I had them this week. I'm usually a disaster when there's sugar in the house!! This was encouraging.

9/23, funk

2008-09-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

I feel myself slipping into a funk. This happens every once in awhile, so I'm used to it, but rather than wallow I want to take some steps OUT of it.

1.) Get my grad school application in so I don't stress over it. Ask my coworker to write my second recommendation. Make a date to work on my personal statement.

2.) Get myself off of coffee. Withdrawal makes me ANGRY. Stick to tea.

3.) EAT BALANCED MEALS. I knew that I wasn't going to be full for long after dinner last night, and sure enough, my blood sugar started falling around 8:30 or 9. Then I was really disappointed in myself for eating all that snacky food at the bar. I feel like I've ruined what was, up until now, a really good and BALANCED ww week.

4.) Get in a good workout. I'm going to spinning tonight and will try to take a walk during lunch, so hopefully that'll make me feel better.

5.) Apply myself at work. Make task lists and FOCUS and stay off the Internet and this blog!! Ever since I started contemplating grad school I've been slowly but surely falling behind.

6.) Make plans with friends. I'm becoming a little reclusive.

7.) PRACTICE PIANO AND FLUTE so I don't feel like I'm "faking" it every time I play in public. Right now I think this is the biggest one.

My favorite quote these days is "MAKE INTUITIVE, BALANCED DECISIONS." This week has been pretty good so far (with the exception of last night), and I'm going to focus on making today better.

b: 2 plums, steel-cut oats with 1/2 scoop chocolate protein powder mixed in, 1 tbsp pb, and 1 tbsp brown sugar, English breakfast tea w/ soymilk

l: ~1.5 c. chick pea masala, banana, 1/2 cinnamon raisin bagel (Thomas's, around 110 calories)

X: 1-mile walk during lunch

sn: apple, more tea w/ soymilk, 23 almonds

X: 2-mile walk home from work

d: black beans, baked sweet potato rounds, 3 tomatoes, sliced and dipped in hummus

dessert: 3 famous amos cookies, 1 tbsp pb

9/22, weekend recap

2008-09-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend was NOT the most active... but I needed it! We've had a cold snap and I've felt like I've been on the verge of getting a cold for the past few days, but I think I kicked it.

Friday night's Korean food was so good! I got veggie bibimbop, which was basically just wild/brown rice with veggies and hot sauce in a hot stone pot. YUM. Usually stuff like this doesn't fill me up but for some reason it totally hit the spot. I went for a walk afterwards and then my friend and I bought a ton of grapes and strawberries and watched TV and had them for dessert. Yum.

Saturday started with steel-cut oats, soymilk, banana, and a tbsp of pb, then I went to a grad school fair. I walked 1 mile of the way up to campus and had every intention of walking home, but was pretty hungry, so had some dried edamame on the subway and once I got home made a GREAT lunch: sauteed swiss chard with garlic, tomato and tofu slices dipped in Annie's goddess dressing, and my leftover steel-cut oats with a little blackstrap molasses for sweetness. It totally hit the spot. I took a 2.5-hr nap in the afternoon, then had a little ezekiel cereal with soymilk for a snack and made dinner since I had a friend coming over: green beans, tomatoes, and chick peas over bulgur wheat and baked sweet potato rounds. We each had a couple famous amos cookies for dessert. Then, out to a bar for a concert: I had 1.5 screwdrivers and got home around 2:30. Was feeling hungry from the alcohol so had a little more ezekiel with soymilk and a banana. I don't normally like eating in the middle of the night but this totally hit the spot, and I didn't feel at all over-full when I fell asleep. Wish I'd gotten some exercise, though...

Sunday was VERY relaxing: I got up around 11:30 and read in bed for awhile, then had a banana with 1 tbsp pb and hit the gym for a quick workout (warmup on the bike, upper body weights, abs, and some leg lifts). "Lunch" was a big smoothie with blueberries, banana, protein powder, and soymilk; "dinner" (around 5:30) was the rest of my sauteed greens and a few tomato pieces, ~1/3 c. leftover bulgur, and a gardenburger "riblet" (YUM!) with some potato rounds. Dessert was a glass of soymilk and 3 more famous amos cookies (they're dangerous!). Then went for a walk to this great used bookstore that's about 12 blocks away (got a beautiful illustrated hardcover edition of The Wind in the Willows) and had dessert #2—around 2/3 c. coconut sorbet and another cookie. Too much dessert today!

Today I feel like I'm back on the ball, although I keep thinking about those cookies (sugar just kills me).

b: ezekiel cereal, soymilk, banana, cinnamon (yum!)

sn: iced coffee w/ soymilk

l: leftover bulgur/chick peas/veggies with some leftover tomato/veggie crumble sauce on top

X: 2-mile walk during lunch

sn: fruit salad, GoOrganic double chcolate bar (similar to a Luna bar but w/ less sugar)

d: arugula, tomatoes, pasta with nutritional yeast sauce, 1 cookie with a glass of soymilk

@ bar: 1 beer, some crackers with hummus, a few small handfuls (probably around 1/2 c.) mixed nuts, and later a luna bar (PASTA DOES NOT FILL ME UP)** (see next post)

I'm craving a good cardio workout but it's going to have to wait for tomorrow! I have plans to go to spinning.

9/19, and smaller breakfasts

2008-09-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's weird to me that I was down at WI yesterday because I FEEL so bloated/"big"... it's weird. All my jeans feel tight in the middle. Oh well... will drink lots of water and see if it goes away in a few days. It HAS been a rather salty week...

I'm going to try to decrease the size of my breakfasts and see if it gives me more energy in the morning. Allowing myself a mid-morning snack will make this more doable.

b: soy yogurt, ezekiel cereal, 12 almonds

sn: iced coffee w/ soymilk and a piece of fruit TBD

l: greens sauteed in garlic and 1 tsp olive oil; the last of the spicy bulgur/black beans (~1/3 c.), 1/3 block tofu mixed with cajun spices and rice wine vinegar

X: walk during lunch

sn: soy yogurt and another piece of fruit TBD

d: going out for Korean food!

X: walk after dinner

I'm going to an open house tomorrow at the grad school that I'm really excited about.... I'm a bit nervous about this whole prospect of going back to school, but looking forward to tomorrow!

9/18, and sweets

2008-09-18T06:17:00.001-07:00

I've been using too much brown sugar lately. I need to consciously cut down or I'm going to start having the awful sugar cravings that I used to have pre-Core...

Step 1: Buy a ton of fresh/canned fruit and applesauce so I eat THAT when I'm craving something sweet!

X: 10 min bike, 10 min treadmill, 20 min weight lifting (emphasis on arms)

b: apple, banana, ezekiel/puffed corn cereal with soymilk

WW: down 1.2!

l: big mixed-green salad with chick peas, kidney beans, tofu, olives, avocado, and portabella mushrooms with f.f. ginger dressing

sn1: soy yogurt, apple, a few almonds, and ground flax

sn2: ~1/3 c. leftover black beans/bulgur, mini-portion (~1/3 c.?) oatmeal (guess I missed grains with lunch/snack)

d: tofu, broccoli, corn, white rice (~1/2 c.), sweet&sour sauce (~2 tbsp)

dessert: 2 Newman's own mint sandwich cookies (YUM)

STILL LOVING LIFTING but I know I'm going to crave a long cardio/yoga session soon. I've noticed that my body likes to go through phases of different activities... and I'm trying to roll with it.

Also, reflecting on my MANY snacks yesterday. I really didn't need the last one, and I woke up this morning feeling bloated and dehydrated, which means I probably should've just had a big bottle of water. HOWEVER, I did eat a small portion of cereal, I was hungry, and I didn't have that "crazy bingeing"/picking-at-everything-in-the-kitchen feeling. So, that's progress. In fact, I can't remember the last time I ate everything in sight the way I used to. I feel much more in control, even if I am still eating too much.

Step 1: Keep fruit and fiber one in the house so I can have a relatively low-calorie snack if I need one late at night. MINIMIZE GUILT!

9/17, and weights

2008-09-17T07:12:00.001-07:00

I LOVE lifting weights!! It makes me feel so much stronger. And the "burn" is really satisfying for some reason... and I always have the sense that it's really improving my physical fitness.

I feel like I have been eating a ton recently. I have been trying to up my protein intake to help build muscle, and haven't been eating JUNK, but still, I feel like I've been eating "too much." But I haven't felt overstuffed. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens at WI on Thursday.

b: oatmeal made with water, ~2/3 scoop chocolate protein powder, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1 tbsp brown sugar, and a drizzle of blackstrap molasses

sn: tofurkey sausage on 1 sl. whole-wheat bread

X: 1-hour yoga class

sn: apple, plum, dried edamame

sn: GoOrganic double dark chocolate bar (similar to Luna)

d: black beans with chipotles, bulgur, tomatoes with goddess dressing (YUM!), mini portion of oatmeal with a little brown sugar

sn: apple, 0ezekiel/puffed corn cereal with a little brown sugar (In retrospect, I was probably just thirsty...)

Yoga today was WONDERFUL—I could definitely feel it where I lifted yesterday. Stretching felt so good!!

9/16, and catching up

2008-09-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been a whirlwind! Food-wise and otherwise. We had a guest (bf's brother) in town this weekend so we were running around and didn't prepare much of our own food, but I hope I minimized the damage (only having one drink when we went out, making sure I wasn't having too much sugar even though I did have a white bagel and flour tortillas, etc.). I feel okay (if not my best) but I hope a trip to the gym tonight and a veggie/fruit–heavy dinner will set me straight.

b: oatmeal made with 1/2 c. soymilk, 1/2 c. water, 1/2 scoop chocolate protein powder, a couple tbsp wheat germ, 1 tbsp almond butter, and a drizzle of blackstrap molasses (SO FILLING and tasty)

l: leftover sauteed green beans/radishes with bulgur wheat and tomato/veggie crumble sauce; raw veggies with hummus; apple

sn: banana, dried edamame, 18 almonds (eaten in stages throughout the afternoon)

X: 25 min. elliptical, ~15 min. weights, stretching, 1 mile walk afterwards (it was nice out!)

d: bbq "unchicken" (made of TVP), salad with goddess dressing, mini-portion of oatmeal with a little brown sugar

sn: plum, mini bowl of puffed corn cereal/wheat germ with a little brown sugar and soymilk

I REALLY need to make a trip to the grocery store!! Here's a brief list...

- tofu (lots)

- grapes

- mango

- apples

- black beans

- chick peas

- soymilk (large container)

- soy yogurt

- ezekiel cereal

- a little dried fruit (raisins?)

- hot cocoa mix!

- gardenburger riblets (if they're in stock...)

That's probably it.

9/12, and off-kilter...

2008-09-12T06:49:00.001-07:00

Last night was pretty rough... my stomach was killing me and I couldn't tell if it was hunger, cramps, sore abs, or sickness... I had a small bowl (~1/3 c.) of ezekiel cereal around 11 to try to settle it, then finally broke down and took a couple advil around 4, then felt sick because I'd taken it on an empty stomach, and had a piece of toast with almond butter and banana slices. Finally got to sleep.... I hate eating in the middle of the night like that, though :-(

This morning I felt super-dehydrated and my stomach still feels weird... we'll see how the day pans out. I am in desperate need of a good workout!!

b: apple, small soy latte, fresh-baked bagel (DELICIOUS and a splurge)

sn: banana, chai tea/soymilk

l: homemade veggie stir-fry (peppers, tomatoes, green beans), lentil salad (with olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette)

sn: carrot cake clif bar

X: trip to the gym for elliptical and weights (that's my plan and I'm sticking to it!!)

d: probably pasta or bulgur wheat with homemade tomato/veggie crumble sauce and a salad

Oh, and I went up 1.4 at WI yesterday, but I blame that on hormones, too. Actually, I blame it on the fact that, although I've been diligent in tracking pts, I've been eating much closer to maintenance pts than losing pts. I need to clean up my diet and stop relying on high energy-dense things like peanut and almond butter on days that I don't work out. I need to get back to basics: whole grains, fruits, veggies, and legumes. I KNOW I will feel better (and more in control) if I do. It's all about planning ahead and cooking on the weekends, which I haven't been doing. AND making an effort to make my food taste good (not just plain veggies/grains/etc.), because that gets boring!!

Re-reading this post, it hits home that if my body is off-kilter, I'm not as focused, driven, and self-confident as I'd like to be. And I really do want to go down a bit during the "lose for good" campaign. So I need to GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP and re-focus.

9/11, and many things...

2008-09-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Greg Mortenson/David Relin's amazing book Three Cups of Tea and thinking about the future. I've been feeling really fired up about the graduate programs I've been reading about (ESPECIALLY Columbia University's Masters in International Education Development), but I need to talk to more people and make sure it's really want to do. That program is really hard to get into, and if I did get in, it would mean a lot of debt. But I am really passionate about education and equal access to it, and would love to spend the rest of my life dedicated to the cause. I feel like I've been sleeping through the last 3 years, and now that I'm aware that there are other options, I'm awake again. On today of all days I want to commit myself to doing as much research as I can on graduate programs and finding one that will help me move into a career where I can dedicate myself to fostering global education and understanding, and reducing the hatred for Americans that leads to events like the one that hit New York 7 years ago today.

I'm glad that this blog is opening up into more than just a food/exercise account . . . I think that means food and exercise are taking a less central role in my life and becoming a more natural, integrated part of it. I think this was my goal all along...

b: ezekiel cereal with soymilk, a banana, and ~1 tbsp blackstrap molasses drizzled on top

sn: small soy latte

l: leftover moo shoo veggies/tofu; leftover Chinese pancake; hoison sauce

sn: dried edamame, plum

d: big salad with chick peas, tofu, olives, mushrooms, avocado, and ff dressing

sn: smoothie made with 1/2 c. soymilk, ice, banana, and 1 scoop chocolate protein powder; clif nectar bar (dark chocolate walnut)**

Exercise TBD too... I might just take today off. Have been feeling under the weather. If I do take today off, I'll go to the gym tomorrow morning.

I'm thinking about quitting my New York Sports Club membership. If I am serious about this grad school thing (and at this point, I'm 90% sure that I am), then I need to start cutting down on unnecessary expenses.

**TOTALLY hormone-related... I felt way over-full afterwards. But at least it was real food and not junk food.

9/10 and thinking about the future...

2008-09-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Finally got a decent amount of sleep last night (around 8.5 hours)... I feel better already.

I've been thinking about making a move and applying for graduate school, or looking into other job options. I love lots of things about my job but I'm not sure that I have the passion for editing/publishing that it takes to really succeed in the long run. Plus, I do have a passion for education. I'm not sure whether I would rather be standing in front of a class or doing research on international education development or another alternative that I haven't even discovered yet, but I'm starting to explore my options (starting with a graduate school fair tonight at Columbia).

I don't want to feel like the last three years since I graduated from college were a waste... in a lot of ways, they've been very educational. I've figured out a few things: I love to read, nonfiction more so than fiction, but I don't want to be a freelance copyeditor; I love playing music, but don't have the dedication to be a full-time musician; in my spare time, I seek out ways to work with youth; I miss working with kids; I see the need for structural reform in our education system before kids can really benefit; I miss school! Oh, and more specific to this blog, I am REALLY glad I've taken the time to begin sorting out my relationship with food and weight, because I don't think I could have opened up to the possibilities of life if I was still bogged down in those old cycles. I feel MUCH more confident about my ability to remain balanced, provided I get enough sleep, go grocery shopping once a week and keep healthy food in the house, and exercise regularly (doing cardio, weights, and yoga) but don't push myself too hard.

Anyway, I hope I'll learn something tonight!

TODAY:

b: 1 c. green grapes; oatmeal made with a banana, 1/2 c. soymilk, 1 tbsp brown sugar, and 1 tbsp. almond butter (this was the perfect amt.! I'll scale back the soymilk next time...)

l: leftover sweet potato, baked tofu, and brown rice&beans; plum

X: 1-hour yoga class

sn: soy yogurt with strawberries and ezekiel cereal, veggie soup

d: gave into a Chinese food craving: 8 steamed vegetable dumplings, ~2 c. moo shoo veggies with tofu, 1 chinese pancake, hoisin sauce

dessert: apple slices with ~1.5 tbsp pb

9/9, rainy days, and cravings...

2008-09-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy, icky day... I'm slowly working away at the piles of work that have been stressing me out for awhile, so hopefully I'll sleep better tonight than I have for the last few nights.... argh. It's amazing how stress can affect the way you feel/sleep/eat/etc...

b: ezekiel cereal, soy yogurt, 12 almonds, and strawberries, topped with a little brown sugar and a drizzle of blackstrap molasses—this b'fast left me a little TOO full!

l: leftover whole-wheat pasta with homemade tomato sauce, chick peas, and leftover steamed chard; red delicious apple; baby carrots (which I saved and had around 1 hr. after lunch)

sn: blueberry crisp clif bar (YUM!)

X: 2-mile walk home from work

d: leftover barley/wheatberries, sauteed chard, baked tofu, a little baked sweet potato, and pineapple (also had some bites of things around the kitchen while I was cooking... not good)

dessert: unsweetened soymilk mixed with chocolate protein powder

I'm definitely craving comfort foods/CARBOHYDRATES today. The menu is heavier than I normally shoot for (e.g., I had around 2 c. of pasta with lunch instead of my usual .5–1c., and the clif bar is a pretty hefty afternoon snack if I'm not going to go work out). But I've found that "safe" indulgences like these keep me from bingeing/"picking" at food. And I always crave sugar/carbohydrates during this TOM. So, I'm giving myself a break.

9/8, weekend wrap-up

2008-09-08T07:09:00.001-07:00

Fun weekend... here's a brief recap. Saturday I took a day of rest and lay in bed reading for a long time... b'fast was watermelon and oatmeal, lunch was leftover pasta/eggplant, snack was puffed corn cereal with soymilk, wheat germ, and a little brown sugar, dinner (at a friend's place) was sliced fruit and quinoa, veggie stir-fry, and black beans. Dessert was homemade chocolate-chip banana bread (also at my friend's place—this was the first time in awhile that I consciously "ate too much" by way of a second slice of banana bread when I was already super full...). Sunday started with some watermelon, then a falafel salad (lettuce, 3 out of 5 falafel balls, tons of veggies, olives, a little tabbouleh, and a little tahini dressing). Snacks were an iced latte and a clif bar, exercise was around 4 miles of walking around the city. Dinner was a homemade black bean/brown rice/veggie steak burrito with lettuce and guacamole, dessert was grapes.

Today started with a trip to the apartment gym—I ran 2 miles on the treadmill and did upper body weights and some abs and stretching. I like having a small snack pre-gym; it gives me a ton of energy!

sn: 1/2 black cherry almond clif bar

X: (above)

b: smoothie made with ~1 c. unsweetened soymilk, a splash of vanilla soymilk, banana, ice, and 1 scoop chocolate protein powder. Also had the other half of my clif bar.

l/sn: leftover beans&rice from last night (with a tiny bit of leftover guac), baby carrots, apple, 2 plums, soy yogurt

X: 2-mile walk during lunch

d: steamed swiss chard, baked sweet potato fries, chick peas with goddess dressing and tomato; a little ezekiel cereal with sweetened soymilk for dessert

Also had half a beer at rehearsal...

9/5, and Lose for Good

2008-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

In my ww meeting last night, Cami (the leader) introduced a program that will run for the next 6 weeks called "Lose for Good." During this period of 6 weeks, for every pound lost by a ww leader or member, ww will donate a dollar (up to $1 million) to help combat world hunger. This is a GREAT motivator!

I was really happy to be down .4 lb last night. That makes 1 lb total lost in the last 2 weeks. I would LOVE to continue at this pace! I feel confident that I can maintain my weight where it is (since I have for pretty much the past month), and hope this feeling will stay with me if my fitness level increases and weight creeps down as gradually and naturally as it has been so far. In the past when I've lost weight/gotten fitter, I've gone crazy at the gym and tried to eat as little as possible, and then, once I reached a better level of fitness/"goal" weight, I had no clue how to stay there without those unsustainable eating/exercise patterns. I'm REALLY taking it easy on myself this time around, and it's given me a chance to begin to heal my relationship with food and exercise, and learning to listen to my body while strengthening and nourishing it. AND IT FEELS AWESOME.

b: multi-grain cereal with soymilk, banana, earth balance, and brown sugar (this feels like dessert but is SO filling and mostly-healthy)

l: barley/wheatberries, leftover bell pepper/green bean stir-fry, leftover refried beans with tabasco sauce (had some fresh pineapple and a clif nectar bar for "dessert")

X: 1-mile walk during lunch

sn: chocolate-chip clif bar

X: 2-mile walk home from work, stretching, light arm weights, and push-ups at home

d: whole-wheat pasta, homemade tomato sauce, baked eggplant, 4 oz wine, dark chocolate chips (around 1 serving)

9/4, and $$$

2008-09-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

I've been spending too much money on food lately. I go through phases where I'll eat things like lentil salad, apples, and sauteed greens, and other phases where I eat things like veggie burgers, nuts, and berries. The first three foods are definitely cheaper!!! So, one of my goals this week is to cook up a big batch of lentil salad and maybe some brown rice. I need to save money!

WW has definitely taught me the value of self-monitoring setting small goals. I really like how it carries over into everyday life—for me, it's especially affected my relationship with money. I now write down everything I spend and am starting to get the hang of managing my money every month. One thing I have NOT been able to do thus far, though, is save money. My big problem is learning to manage the amount I spend on my credit card: I use it for big purchases and then pay it off over a period of months, but lately the "big" purchases (trips, etc.) have been adding up faster than I've been paying them off. This morning I worked out a payment plan to pay off half my credit card balance by January 1, so I can stop wasting my money on interest and start saving! It feels REALLY good to have worked out that plan.

Similarly, I've set a couple small goals for myself with regard to weight loss. I already met my 5-lb. goal, and my next goal is to get to my WW starting weight from a couple years ago, which is about 2.5 lbs. away. After that, my goal will be 10 lbs. It feels good to focus on these small steps, particularly since the scale has been creeping down VERY slowly and my main goals (less stress eating, more structured meals, more whole foods) aren't as easy to quantify as weight.

X: 1.5 miles on the treadmill, abs, upper body weights
b: oatbran with soymilk, banana, and 1 tbsp pb; iced coffee w/ soymilk
l: veggie burger, 2 sl. whole-wheat bread, cherry tomatoes and plums (from CSA—yum!!)
X: 1-mile walk during lunch
sn: dried edamame, maybe another banana
WW: down .4 lb
d: big CSA green beans/bell pepper/garlic stir-fry, refried black beans with tabasco sauce, mixed grains with olive oil and salt
dessert: ~1/3 c. oatbran with a little earth balance and a little dark brown sugar

9/3, the effects of fatigue, and the benefits of Core

2008-09-03T07:03:00.002-07:00

I was pretty disappointed with myself last night after dinner, because I fell into an old eating pattern that I though I'd gotten rid of... eating because I'm tired!! I walked in the door from my walk home from work and immediately grabbed a small handful of corn nuts and some pistachios (unneeded), then snacked on them periodically as I got dinner together. I had leftover pasta fauxlognese with a sliced bell pepper, and stopped when I felt satisfied and put the leftover sauce in the fridge (which I was happy about). My sweet tooth hit and I decided to make something core-based for dessert, so I made 1/2 portion of oatbran and added 1 tbsp pb/ab and a little brown sugar and earth balance. It was DELICIOUS and hit the spot. But THEN, for some reason (probably just fatigue, looking for a sugar rush to wake myself up!) I picked at chocolate chips (didn't measure them out—another bad habit that I thought I'd kicked!), and probably had around 2 servings. THEN!!!! I felt hungry for "real food" again, and thought that maybe I didn't eat enough protein throughout the day, so I had the rest of my veggie "meat" sauce (probably only around 1/2 cup, but it's VERY filling), plus 3 veggie chicken nuggets with hot sauce. Felt pretty overstuffed after that. It's been awhile since I felt that way, or ate so haphazardly.

I guess there are a couple good habits that made this less damaging than it could have been. For one, in the past, I probably would have just continued to pick at snacky food when I got home rather than making myself sit down with "real" dinner. That filled me up and minimized the amount of snack/dessert food I could comfortably eat. Two, I at least made an effort to create a core-friendly dessert. This is one I will definitely enjoy in the future, because it was AMAZING. Three, when I look back and actually calculate the points that I ate, they aren't that bad. In the past if I had this sort of tired slump, I could easily have eaten four or five cookies in an attempt to get a sugar rush, but four or five cookies has as many calories/points as my entire meal, mistakes and all!

The Core plan continues to help me even in the smallest ways—like being aware of WHAT I'm eating when I eat for the wrong reasons, instead of throwing everything by the wayside when I'm tired/cranky/feeling "snacky." If I felt this way in the past, I could easily have eaten a couple bowls of cereal, toast with pb and jam, chocolate chips, etc., etc... at least now I'm aware that I should stick to less energy dense food for the most part. Also, if I'd gone "off" my "good" eating habits in the past like this, I probably would have continued to eat sugary stuff all evening, because I'd "blown it." Looking back, it's not the initial "mistake," but the fact that I didn't stop myself that was "blowing it."

Anyway, today is a new day, and I feel super thirsty and bloated, which will hopefully be a lesson in why I shouldn't overeat in the future! I'm going to stick to mini-meals/snacks today since I really don't feel like eating a huge meal.

- apple, banana, large soy latte (which I'll sip on throughout the morning)
- dried edamame, 12 almonds
X: 1-hour yoga class
- big salad after yoga
- 2 sl. whole-wheat bread with a little vegan "bbq" and ~2/3 c. chocolate soymilk mixed with ice and 1 scoop chocolate protein powder
- cherry tomatoes, corn, ~1c. banana/ice/soymilk/pb smoothie (split with bf)

9/2, post-Labor Day recap

2008-09-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

I had a great, active weekend w/ my family... here's a brief recap:

FRIDAY arrived home at dinnertime, had dinner in last post
SATURDAY swam at the creek, went for a 2.5 mile run/walk
SUNDAY went kayaking for a couple hours on the Potomac River, swam at the creek again
MONDAY went for a challenging ~6-mile hike

I kept everything pretty healthy, and while I ate a lot, I didn't eat a lot of empty calories, which is great. Definitely payed attention to hunger/satisfaction cues.

Today...
b: pita with almond butter and blackberry jam*, coffee (On train, EARLY!)
sn: large soy latte, apple, banana
l: big mixed-green salad with veggies, olives, tofu, beans, and balsamic vinaigrette (from a deli near work)
X: 1-mile walk during lunch
sn: dried edamame (if needed)
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: TBD... maybe leftover pasta bolognese from last week

*Totally un-core, but I needed something quick and portable (and relatively healthy) because I knew I would get hungry on the train. So the 7 pts. was worth it.

Playing a show tonight so I may have a drink... we'll see. SO TIRED from a mere 4 hrs. of sleep last night...

Excited to go to the gym for weight training this week! Going on that hike made me wish I was STRONGER all around, and I know weights will help me accomplish that.

8/29, and maintenance

2008-08-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

I was down .6 at WW yesterday, which means I basically maintained my weight for the month of August. Before I started going to meetings, I was gaining weight pretty steadily, so maintenance is nothing to complain about! But I do recognize the need to change some habits if I want to get the scale moving down again.

sn: 1/2 banana-nut clif bar
X: 10 min. bike, 1 mile on treadmill, and lots of strength training
b: oatmeal w/ banana, wheat germ, brown sugar, and a few chocolate chips
l/sn: veggie burger with soy cheese and leftover sauteed bell peppers, raw baby carrots, soy yogurt with oat bran mixed in, peach (plus another peach, a small V8 juice, and wheat thins for a snack on the bus to DC this afternoon)
d: potato/leek soup, homemade bread, salad, mini fruit smoothie

I promised myself that I'll run at least once and swim laps at least once while I'm at home this weekend. My parents have an elliptical so hopefully I'll get in at least one workout on that, too. They keep a pretty healthy kitchen so I'm just going to try to stick to whole foods and not snack mindlessly!!

8/28, new ww week

2008-08-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

I used too many of my WPAs too early in the week and didn't have enough left for the past few days! Oh, well. I felt good about my success "eating to satisfaction" this week and got a lot of activity in, so I hope it will balance out the extra WPAs I used... we'll see.

Not feeling like big meals today so I'm doing the mini-meals thing...

-apple with 1 tbsp almond butter and 1 tbsp peanut butter
-large soy latte
-soy yogurt w/ 1/2 c. Ezekiel cereal and a banana
-baby carrots, peach
-salad with veggies, tofu, chick peas, and balsamic vinaigrette
-dried edamame

I made a phone date for lunch so I'll take a 2-mile brisk walk then. Still feeling run down so I'm still avoiding the gym... but I hope to go tomorrow AM for some jogging & weights.

For dinner I made homemade tomato sauce using 4 large tomatoes, around a cup and a half of cherry tomatoes, basil, balsamic vinegar, red wine, crushed red pepper, and oregano. I added Yves soy crumbles and served it over whole-wheat pasta with soy cheese and sauteed bell peppers. The combo of protein (from the crumbles), veggies, and whole grains was VERY satisfying although the sauce came out a little too herby for my taste.

8/27, feelin' under the weather

2008-08-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

Definitely feel like I'm getting sick, so I'm going to lay off the gym and try to get some good sleep before I go home for the weekend on Friday.

b: oatmeal, banana, soymilk, 1 tsp brown sugar
sn: miso soup (for the throat)
l1: ~ 1 c. leftover polenta/black beans, ~ 2/3 c. coconut green beans, 2 c. raw carrots/sugar snap peas, 1/2 mango
X: 2-mile walk during lunch
l2: soy yogurt with ezekiel cereal, small soy latte
out for drinks: light beer, a few tortilla chips w/ salsa
d: veggie burger, soy cheese, veggies
dessert/sn: larabar, a few chocolate chips

I feel like I've been eating way too much lately, but when I look back on my WW journal and estimate points for each day, it isn't much more than I was eating on the points program. When you're eating mostly whole foods you get WAY more volume for your calories, which is great. Anyway, we'll see what the scale does at my WW mtg. tomorrow.

8/26, bleh

2008-08-26T06:45:00.001-07:00

In no particular order:

A) I'm really glad I brought dinner w/ me to the Mets game last night—there was NOTHING healthy/vegan-friendly there (besides, I guess, peanuts and soft pretzels).

B) I'm glad I recognized I was TIRED, not hungry, last night and didn't snack when I got home around 11.

C) My morning bowl of oatmeal this morning left me feeling heavy and sluggish—but I was really hungry for it... guess I need to scale down the portions.

D) Going out to lunch AGAIN today w/ coworkers... will try to be as healthy as possible...

E) Skipping spinning tonight because I feel like I'm getting sick...

F) I still can't believe that a woman in my building thought I was pregnant. This was the worst thing ever for my self-esteem—and what made it even worse was that I had a wonderful workout/run in the park and the strength + confidence from the activity totally evaporated after she said that. Ugh.

G) I really want a loss this week at WI... I went up .6 two weeks ago and stayed the same last week. I need a morale boost before I go home to visit my family (fun but stressful and not the best food environment).

H) I need to go home and work on my freelance editing project tonight so that's not as much of a nagging concern.

Whew.

b: oatmeal with soymilk, banana, 1 tbsp almond butter, 1 tbsp brown sugar
l: out w/ coworkers; I had cous cous with hummus and baba ghanouj and 2 sl. whole-wheat bread
sn: homemade tofu salad, plum
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: green beans with coconut, polenta/black beans, a few bites of vegan pita pizza (homemade),
soy yogurt, peach, a sprinkle of Ezekiel cereal (HUNGRY!)
sn: 1/2 a mango

8/25, weekend recap

2008-08-25T06:26:00.001-07:00

All in all this weekend was great! It started off a little rocky, though . . . after swimming on Friday, I still had energy so I walked home across Central Park (which was LOVELY!) but by the time I got home I felt super-dehydrated and really drained (should have brought a post-swimming snack with me). So I had some water and ALSO a big bowl of oatmeal with various toppings, and then fell asleep, and woke up feeling even more dehydrated and drained. Should have just had some fruit for a snack beforehand—that would have helped me hydrate. I made a tasty dinner of chick peas with homemade tomato sauce and soy cheese (sounds blah but it was actually really good), but had way too much (since I was actually just thirsty), and felt pretty gross. All wasn't lost, because I went for a 2-mile powerwalk and guzzled a bunch of water, which made me feel better... I just need to remember that swimming makes me DEHYDRATED!!

Saturday and Sunday were great—I helped a friend move for 2+ hrs on Saturday (heavy lifting up and down stairs... whew!), made homemade pizza (first time making a crust!) and edamame/corn salad—both were successful experiments. On Sunday I lazed around for awhile and then had a great elliptical/weights workout at the gym—I had a larabar and some grapes just before I went and had a TON of energy, so much so that I went for a run/walk in the park afterwards! It was lovely to run down by the Hudson River—it's been way too long!

Got up this morning for another workout (15 min bike, 15 min treadmill), and feel energized for the day.

b: plain soy yogurt, peach, ezekiel cereal, 1 tbsp brown sugar
X: (above)
sn: banana with 1 tbsp almond butter; coffee with plain soymilk
sn: mango and some tofu/olive/chick pea salad that I made this morning
l: out w/ boss and an author: gazpacho with croutons and a few long, thin, pretzel-y breadsticks
sn: plum, cherry tomatoes, bell peppers
sn: coffee w/ soymilk, nu-go granola bar
d: banana, medium lentil soup from Pret a Manger (also had a couple bites of soft pretzel and around 4 oz light beer)

I have a bunch of pictures that I've been meaning to upload... soon! I think my photo-tactic from now on will be to skip boring breakfasts/lunches (unless they're particularly colorful) and to document new, exciting dinner recipes that I try out!

8/22, and wine regret

2008-08-22T07:25:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is, but my body always feels weird the morning after I drink wine, even just a little bit—dehydrated, sluggish, and out-of-shape! It's weird. Guess I should have had more water last night.

b: oatmeal, soymilk, Ezekiel cereal, 1 tbsp brown sugar, sliced peach (I left around 1/3 of this because it was super-filling—will probably have it for a snack later)

l: leftover whole-wheat pasta with homemade tomato sauce/smoked tofu/tofurkey sausage; cherry tomatoes; bell pepper slices

X: 30–45 min lap swim
d: TBD

I'm going to a friend's going-away party tonight but will try to exercise moderation with the alcohol (usually not too hard for me) and snacks, if there are any (this is usually harder!)

8/21, cooking, and walking

2008-08-21T07:10:00.001-07:00

Glad the week is over... I feel like, bit by bit, I'm getting the hang of Core! This week definitely wasn't perfect but at least it was better than the week before.

Last night I had SO MUCH FUN playing with all my CSA veggies. I washed and ziploc-bagged all my cherry tomatoes, fennel, bell peppers, and peaches, washed and sauteed a TON of beet greens, and made a big tub of homemade tomato sauce (so excited to make something with it!). I have a ton of corn on the cob that I'm equally excited about.

This week I really haven't felt like going to the gym, but I'm trying not to force myself to exercise at the gym if I don't want to (and if I'm getting exercise in other ways). During the winter months when it's cold and gets dark outside at 5 PM it's much easier to go to the gym (the thought of the sauna alone is usually enough to get me there!), but the weather has been so lovely (and unseasonably cool) lately that I'm trying to take advantage of it!

X: AM stretching, 2-mile walk to work
b: ezekiel cereal with sliced peaches, soymilk, and 7 almonds
l: brown rice bibimbop with veggies, tofu and a ton of hot sauce!
sn: cherry tomatoes
WW: stayed the same
sn: free WW 2-pt fruit/nut bar that I got at the meeting
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: 4 oz red wine, 1/2 c. whole-wheat pasta with homemade tomato sauce, smoked tofu, a few small pieces of tofurkey sausage, and leftover sauteed beet greens/spinach; 1 slice homemade whole-wheat garlic bread.
dessert: a mini Nana's cookie

8/20, CSA, and AM workouts

2008-08-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm more excited than ever to pick up my CSA share this evening, because:
A) The people I split the share with are out of town, so I get to keep the entire thing!
B) Another coworker is out of town, so I get to pick up her share too (and this includes fruit!!!)
C) I have a free night and I'm in the mood to cook!

Major props to the morning workout yesterday for keeping me energized all day (until around 11:15 PM, when I totally crashed). I have another one planned for tomorrow!

Today (will post pics later):
b: oatmeal with soymilk, 1 tbsp wheat germ, a banana, and 1 tbsp earth balance (this tasted wonderful!)

sn: plum (no pic)
l: big spinach salad with 1/4 avocado, some leftover guacamole, and sesame ginger spray dressing; brown rice with tofurkey sausage (saving the apple for later)

X: walk during lunch
sn: apple (from lunch), dried edamame
X: 1+ mile walk after work
sn: plum, nana's mini cookie, cherry tomatoes, mini peach
d: sauteed spinach and beet greens; smoked tofu; mini-portion of oatmeal
sn/dessert: a little ezekiel cereal with soymilk and a small piece of dark chocolate

Lots of food today!!! Glad I kept the portions small, at least after lunch!

8/19, and weights

2008-08-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

It felt great to get up and do weights this morning. I need to build some muscle; I have a feeling it's the only way I'll start to feel stronger and improve my running/biking/swimming (and yoga too). It's also great to have exercise out of the way in the morning! The trick for me is making sure I fall asleep by 11 so I get a solid 8 hours sleep for a 7 AM workout. That can be hard, esp. when living in a studio apartment with a night-owl who likes to watch movies in the evening... but that didn't stop me from passing out last night :-)

Today:
X: 1-mile jog, 30 min weights, ~10 min stretching/mat exercises
b: oatmeal with soymilk and 2–3 tbsp wheat germ; 3 slices tempeh "bacon"
sn: banana
l: big mixed-green salad with tofu, beans, olives, veggies, and ~1 tbsp sesame ginger dressing; watermelon
sn: 23 almonds
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: seaweed salad, spelt sushi, and bbq "unchicken" with edamame
sn: plum

8/18, and back to normal

2008-08-18T07:52:00.001-07:00

This weekend's food was here, there, and everywhere since my sis was visiting and we were running around the city all day, but here's a brief recap:

on Friday afternoon I had an EXCELLENT banana/soymilk/almond butter/Spirutein smoothie that kept me full for hours after swimming—I think I'm going to start drinking "recovery" smoothies more often! I fixed spinach, wheatberries, mushrooms, and tempeh for dinner, and had a small homemade vegan cookie with a dab of almond butter (and a glass of light chocolate soymilk) for dessert later on. I don't know why, but swimming makes me SO hungry!

Saturday, breakfast was oatmeal/banana/soymilk/almond butter @ home, lunch was corn on the cob (from a street fair, fresh off the grill—SO GOOD!), a small salad with chick peas, a small bread roll, hummus w/ cucumbers for lunch, a luna bar for a snack, and black-eyed peas, spinach, guacamole, and a few tortilla chips for dinner (with 1/2 c. coconut sorbet and a few animal crackers for dessert). My sister and I walked around all day and were pooped! Sunday started off with the same oatmeal/soymilk/banana/almond butter combo for breakfast, a big salad with tofu, olives, and avocado, 3 tortilla chips and my last vegan cookie for lunch, a few nuts and baby carrots at a picnic for a snack, and a big smoothie and a little popcorn in the evening. Could have been way worse, but I could've planned better (and fixed more food @ home).

Today!

b: oatmeal with soymilk and an apple with 1 tbsp almond butter
sn: baby carrots, 1 slice soy cheese
l: big mixed-green salad with tofu, beans, olives, and other veggies with balsamic vinaigrette
sn: small cup of lentil soup
d: whole-wheat pasta with a little earth balance, veggie chicken strips, raw cauliflower/snap peas
sn/dessert: banana/light chocolate soymilk/almond butter smoothie for dessert
X: stretching @ home

8/15, ww, and protein

2008-08-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Forgot to mention last night that I had also a serving of dark chocolate chips for dessert! Oh, and I didn't get to take my second walk—but I did go out for the evening and was on my feet for awhile, so I wasn't totally sedentary...

REALLY glad I went to the WW meeting last night... it was rainy and I was tired and could easily have skipped it, but it was just what I needed. I want to get to know more of the people at the meeting—I think it could be an amazingly supportive place!

Dinner last night was great. I feel good about my plan to incorporate more protein into my meals and snacks... I really can't believe that dinner kept me full for 7 hours!! It's a good combo. of foods to eat before going out for the evening, for sure.

Today my little sister is coming up for the weekend! Neither of us wants to spend money so we're going to cook most of our own food at my apartment. I'll take pictures to post later this weekend!

b: a couple pieces of leftover watermelon, 5-grain cereal with soymilk, a banana, and 1 tbsp almond butter

l: leftover whole-wheat pasta with veggie crumbles/tomato sauce; baby carrots

X: lap swim this afternoon
sn: TBD, maybe a smoothie?
d: I'm planning on making something with green veggies, chick peas, tempeh, and mushrooms, and serving it over a pasta/grain. We'll see what happens!

8/14, ww day, and a new week

2008-08-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

I love Thursdays, since my ww week re-starts and I feel like I have a clean slate. This has been a great week on the exercise front—I've gotten in a good variety (yoga, walking, biking, swimming), and feel pretty energetic. This week I definitely want to go for at least one run and lift weights at least once—my arms in particular are craving some heavy lifting!

b: puffed corn cereal with soymilk, 23 almonds, a sliced banana, and 1/2 a mango

l: tofu with leftover mashed potatoes; CSA cherry tomatoes (!!!), romaine and sugar snap peas; plum; 1/2 a mango

X: 2-mile walk during lunch
sn: soy jerky, another plum, and the last of my dried edamame (around 1/8 c.) if I need it.

WW: +.6 (not surprising... it's that TOM)
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: No pic... but it was whole-wheat pasta (around 1c.) with mushrooms, tomato sauce, veggie crumbles, soy cheese, and a little chopped avocado on top. Baby carrots on the side. (VERY filling—I had dinner around 7:30 and went to bed around 2:30, still completely satisfied)

8/13 and thankful

2008-08-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Looking back on yesterday's pictures, I have a few thoughts:

A) I didn't really need that evening snack (more than anything I just wanted to try my new puffed corn cereal), and

B) I am seriously, seriously lucky to have the means and time to eat a nutritious and varied diet. Seeing it in picture form makes me more aware than ever how lucky I am. I get some flack from my family for going into book publishing and not making "a lot of money," but I pass numerous homeless people every day in NYC with signs asking for food, clothing, etc., and I know that I make way more money than I need to to meet my basic necessities. I have the means to ENJOY life. Many people don't. Awareness of this is one thing, but action will be another (much more important) step.

b: five-grain cereal with soymilk, a banana, and 1 tbsp almond butter

l: leftover tofu salad, carrots and cauliflower with hummus (I'll probably have 2–3 tbsp from this container), and 2 plums (shown here with the book I'm editing)

sn: dried edamame (no pic—I keep a package in my office for midmorning/afternoon snack attacks)
X: 2-mile walk home from work
sn2: when I got home I was really hungry and has a slice of soy cheese, a piece of thai-seasoned tofu (90 calories), and a couple bites of leftover mashed potatoes and tofu salad. Oh, and some baby carrots.
d: 4 oz red wine, around 1 c. brown rice, 3–4 steamed veggie dumplings, ~2c. steamed veggies/tofu, 1 chinese pancake (and, for a later dessert, 1.5 leftover homemade healthy vegan cookies with a few extra chocolate chips for dessert)

I didn't take a pic of sn2/dinner because I had friends over and didn't want to photograph my food! But to recap, I really only had a few bites of things for a snack, and used a small plate for dinner, so didn't serve myself too much food and felt perfectly satisfied afterwards. The sweet tooth I blame on hormones!

8/12 and a NEW CAMERA!

2008-08-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am really excited about my new digital camera, because when I first started this blog, I wanted it to be a pictorial journey through different vegan recipes. Now I can actually do that without spending a million dollars sending pics through my cameraphone!

I'm also hoping that taking pictures of my food will help me identify patterns and imbalances in my diet. Being vegan it's more important than ever to pay attention to variety, balance, and quality of food.

b: oatmeal with soymilk, blueberries, and 1 tbsp almond butter, with a plum on the side (lots of blue and purple!) - also had a multivitamin and coffee w/ soymilk and 1 packet of sugar in the raw

l/sn: tofu/wheatberry salad, raw carrots, mango (snack will be cherries and dried edamame)

sn: Post-spinning I felt really drained and hungry so I had this spirutein packet mixed with 1/2 c. soymilk and 1/2 c. water to tide me over while I fixed dinner:

d: whole-wheat pasta with smoked tempeh, peanut tofu, and steamed veggies with a sauce made of nutritional yeast, olive oil, and spices (this was great!). I also added some of my leftover tofu salad to approximate cheese/ricotta and it was great. Also had a few (6) chocolate chips for "dessert."

sn: puffed corn cereal with soymilk (I had around 2/3 c. more after I finished this)

X: 1-mile walk during lunch, 45-minute spinning class after work

8/11, small changes, and new recipes

2008-08-11T07:05:00.001-07:00

I've felt really good about my food and exercise choices the last few days. They haven't been perfect, but I feel like I'm making small, systematic changes that I can keep (e.g., having a banana/soymilk smoothie when I got hungry after dinner rather than having a more "desserty" dessert, doing a 20-minute at-home yoga class Saturday and Sunday when I didn't want to go to the gym or run outside, cleaning my apt. and going kayaking as activity!) As a result I've been feeling pretty calm and even-keel, which is a huge motivation to keep it up. I love Core!

This weekend I also tried 3 new recipes: "smashed" potatoes (new potatoes mashed with soymilk, garlic, and Earth Balance), Veganomicon's basic seitan recipe, and a vegan oatmeal/chocolate-chip cookie recipe that I found on the Internet (the product is more like a scone than a cookie, but relatively healthy and tasty!)

b: oatmeal made with soymilk, 3 chopped walnut halves, and 1 tbsp. pb; blueberries
sn: iced coffee w/ soymilk, banana, dried edamame
X: 1-hour yoga class
l: big mixed-green salad from a deli near work
d: TBD, but will probably involve leftover seitan/baked beans from this weekend and my neglected CSA salad greens

8/8/08!

2008-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

I'll recap last night before moving on to today, the Day of the Great 8...

WW went surprisingly well—I lost 2.4 lbs which brought me to 6 lbs total lost in 10 weeks on the plan! I couldn't be happier about it—it feels like it's come off fast enough that I haven't gotten discouraged, but also slow enough that I'm confident it won't go back on (unless I really fall off the wagon, which I don't anticipate because my "wagon" has been pretty flexible and has included enough food and indulgences that I don't feel deprived at all). I went for a walk afterwards and bought a new dress for work, then felt myself getting a low blood sugar around 7 so I ate a luna bar, then walked some more. For dinner I made spicy black beans with CSA corn and salsa and had it with zucchini and a little of the leftover whole-wheat pasta from last night. It was really satisfying without feeling heavy in my stomach, which was great! A few hours later I blended some light chocolate soymilk with 1/2 a banana, ice, and a tiny bit of peanut butter for a snack. That definitely hit the spot.

Today, the Great 8, is my four-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I'm planning on picking up Chipotle burritos for both of us and meeting him after work at 7 (I figured out that I can get entirely-Core filling for my burrito and spend only 5 or 6 WPAs, depending on whether I get soft tacos or a large burrito wrap—awesome!)

b: oatbran made with soymilk and 1/2 a banana and topped with 1 tbsp brown sugar and a little more than a tsp of Earth Balance (this was AMAZING!!)
sn: apple, baby carrots, dried edamame if needed
l: going out for Korean food with friends!! I'm planning on getting lots of sauteed veggies with some tofu and hopefully some brown rice kimbap, if that's on the buffet
X: swimming laps this afternoon and probably a walk
sn: (will probably need one after the workout): maybe a smoothie?
d: chipotle!!

8/7, a new week, and "worth-it" WPAs

2008-08-07T07:02:00.001-07:00

Really glad to have a new "ww" week with 35 new WPAs ... I want to use them more wisely this week. To help myself focus for the upcoming week, I'm going to list things that are worth the 35 WPAs and things that aren't:

WORTH IT:
- nut butters (peanut, almond, tahini, sunflower seed, etc.), and sauces made from them (e.g. Status Quoman's satay-style peanut sauce)
- dark chocolate chips for dessert!! (SO GOOD and they last a long time if you let each one melt in your mouth)
- 1–2 tbsps of nuts, brown sugar, or maple syrup on my oatmeal (any more than that makes it too sweet/rich)
- extra olive oil (especially in the form of a really good balsamic vinaigrette or Annie's goddess dressing)
- the occasional juice (usually no more than 4–8 oz.) or mixed drink that includes juice (such as the amazing orange/lime/vodka concoction that I had this weekend at Cape Cod)
- occasional chocolate-chip cookies (like the Nana's one last night—SO GOOD if you put it in the fridge for a couple hrs. before eating)
- occasional sorbet or soy ice cream
- occasional non-core soy "meat" products
- Sabra's hummus!
- the occasional bar (luna, nectar, clif), in a pinch for a snack

NOT WORTH IT:
- most bread (unless it's really special, homemade, etc.) If I lived in France, or India, or another country where bread/chappatis are made fresh every day, I would probably sing a different tune.
- most sweetened drinks (soda, lemonade, gatorade, etc.), with the exception of that fresh limeade I had at McCarren Pool a couple weeks ago...
- potato/bread/pasta/cereal eaten twice in one day
- prepackaged chips, crackers, or cookies
- most candy

I'll add more things as I think of them!

b: shredded wheat, 1/2 banana, unsweetened soymilk
l: big mixed-green salad with tofu, beans, veggies, olives, and balsamic vinaigrette
X: walk during lunch
sn: will grab some fruit if needed
X: 2-mile walk home or a quick trip to the gym later (or maybe a yogajournal download!)
d: leftover pasta/chick peas with some of my CSA veggies (zucchini, corn, basil, salad greens, onion), and maybe a tahini sauce if I feel like spending WPAs

8/6, and swimming

2008-08-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

Swimming last night was EXCELLENT! Unfortunately, since I went to the pool during "peak" hours (5:30 PM), I could only reserve a lane for 30 minutes, and I arrived 10 minutes late, so I only got in 20 minutes of lap swimming. But I made up for it by not resting between laps and changing it up often between freestyle, breaststroke, and kickboard. When I got out of the pool I didn't feel as tired as I normally do after a "good" workout, so I walked the ~2 miles home and lingered in Central Park for a little while. But when I got home, I inhaled a quick dinner (tofu salad, oatbran, and carrots, with a few chocolate chips for dessert), and realized that my whole body felt fatigued, in a good way. This morning when I woke up I felt SO HEAVY when I tried to get out of bed; the muscle fatigue really set in overnight! I just got back from my mid-day yoga class and feel pretty shaky. Guess swimming is a really great workout, even though there's no impact. I'll try to swim for the full half hour next time!

b: shredded wheat'n'bran with some fiber one caramel cereal mixed in, a sliced banana, and unsweetened soymilk
sn1: soy latte, tofu salad, baby carrots
X: 1-hour yoga class
sn2: the rest of the latte and baby carrots, cherries, 1/2 c. oatbran with 1/2 c. soymilk
X: 3-mile walk after work
sn: soy jerky, raw veggies, a little more oatbran w/ some choc. chips (weak moment)
d: whole-wheat pasta, tofurkey/tomato sauce, chick peas, salad, 4 oz. red wine
dessert: nana's wheat-free chocolate-chip cookie (let hormones get the better of me!)

8/5, and better than nothing

2008-08-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

The salad lasted me all afternoon yesterday and I had a delicious dinner of Chipotle soft tacos with black beans, a tiny bit of rice, guacamole, and 2 different salsas. SO GOOD!! Then, at a concert venue, had most of a light beer and a luna bar for a late-night snack (oh, and some dark chocolate chips for dessert earlier). Not the best day, but better by far than it would have been if I hadn't accounted for everything and kept myself in check. Also, dinner felt like such a treat—the combo. of corn salsa and guacamole was to die for—and I'm adding it to my list of savory "treat" options since sugar usually throws me for a loop.

I am seriously out of groceries so I threw together what I could today:

b: oatmeal/polenta mix with brown sugar and walnuts (REALLY delicious and surprisingly filling)
sn: coffee w/ soymilk
l: leftover soft taco (with toppings listed above), nectarine (left at work from yesterday), banana
X: walk during lunch (during which I'll buy goggles), trip to the gym after work for SWIMMING!
d: TBD

8/4, back from Cape Cod

2008-08-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend's trip was WONDERFUL; lots of sunny beach and ocean time, lots of swimming, lots of playing in the water. And lots of great food: on our first night there, we made a feast including grilled corn on the cob, veggie burgers, kale salad, potatoes, zucchini soup, and grilled veggie kebabs with peanut satay sauce. YUM! I definitely indulged, but most of it was on whole foods so I feel okay about it. I definitely feel better now than I did post–Cape Cod weekend this time last year!

This trip really reminded me how good it feels to move around in the water. Thankfully, there's a branch of my gym right between my office and apartment that has a pool, so I'm planning on making a trip there in the near future to do some laps.

b: shredded wheat/fiber one, soymilk
sn: peach, coffee w/ soymilk
l: big spinach salad with beans, tofu, avocado, mushrooms, olives, assorted veggies and balsamic vinaigrette
d: chipotle!

7/31, WW day

2008-07-31T07:02:00.000-07:00

I feel dehydrated again this morning! Drinking water, hoping to get hydrated (and un-bloated) by tonight when I have to WI.

Last night I really didn't feel like having "real" dinner, so although I should have just made myself something square and satisfying, I fixed myself a bowl of oats/soymilk/banana with a little pb, and a few chocolate chips and crumbled walnuts. It was good and decadent (and better than
picking at food or eating cookies or the alternative things I could have done) but didn't totally fill me up so I snacked on a small bowl of blueberries with a little shredded wheat/fiber one and soymilk later in the evening. Wish I hadn't!

I got up early and hit the gym for a quick workout this morning (1 mile on the treadmill and some weights/mat strength training). At least now I won't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. I do want to take a walk during lunch, though.

b: big smoothie (blueberries, banana, soymilk, vanilla protein powder, ice), a couple bites of a vegan blueberry muffin
l: big spinach salad with fresh corn, black beans, tofu, olives, and other toppings from a local salad bar
X: 2-mile walk during lunch
sn: 1/2 c. oats with 1/2 c. soymilk and maybe a piece of fruit
WW: +1.2 :-(
d: mixed-green salad from a deli, 1 pkt instant grits, baked potato

7/30, and snacks

2008-07-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I got in a great (quick) trip to the gym: around 20 minutes of intervals on the elliptical, sit-ups, and push-ups. Then got a huge mixed-green salad with tons of veggies, tofu, and edamame on top. I felt SO much better! Snacked on a couple chips and some limeade at the movie I went to, then had a few chocolate chips at home for dessert. Nothing too bad (and small portions).

I need to think about sustainable changes to my food intake if I want to really succeed with the Core plan in the long run. The biggest challenge, I think, is just keeping vegan core protein sources around me at all times. I should try making my own core hummus at home and keeping some at work. Vegan veggie burgers (which are usually less than 100 calories each with a ton of protein) also make good snacks... I should keep some of those at work, too. My mom is going to send me some vegan protein powder that should make a good snack, as well. I guess I'm not one of those people who can just snack on fruits&veggies and feel fine... I need some protein to balance it out or I don't feel satisfied.

b: shredded wheat, fiber one caramel cereal, blueberries, soymilk
sn: museli made with 1/2 c. oats, 1/2 c. soymilk, and 1/2 c. blueberries
X: 1-hour yoga class
sn:: mixed-green salad with corn, radishes, a few black beans, and salsa; lentil soup
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: something with black beans, polenta, and corn, and a cucumber/onion salad

7/29 and relaxing w/ meals

2008-07-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

A short recap of last night: walked home, made a GREAT salad with CSA greens, fresh corn, onions, black beans, salsa, a couple veggie chicken nuggets and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast; also made a smoothie with chocolate soymilk and frozen strawberries and had a couple handfuls of Fiber One caramel cereal. I didn't feel too full after this, but I did feel like I ate too fast and kindof compulsively (I was in a rush to get out the door, and this might have been why). But honestly, if I'd taken 10 minutes to unwind before eating, it wouldn't have made me that late getting back out again and I would have felt WAY more relaxed for the rest of the evening! Oh well. I took the 2-mile walk back downtown to try to unwind.

b: oatmeal with nuts/raisins, maple syrup, soymilk, and a banana (bought this at Pret A Manger—it was too sweet!!)
l: the last of my whole-wheat pasta/lentil salad; 16 oz jamba juice smoothie!
sn: 1/2 nectarine and dried edamame (if I'm hungry)
X: trip to gym for cardio
d: big mixed-green salad from a deli around here (heading out to Williamsburg for a concert tonight)

7/28, and re-focusing

2008-07-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

I was out of my usual element over the weekend, and fell a little off track. Here's a recap:

Saturday morning I had a bowl of shredded wheat with fruit and soymilk, went for a 2-mile walk in Riverside Park (which was LOVELY and I made a few stops by the beautiful community gardens there), then had my leftover zucchini/"meat" sauce with a tiny bit of leftover pasta and fixed some quick lentil salad with sauteed green beans/kohlrabi to take with me for a trip upstate to play a concert at a yoga retreat center called Omega. I was starving around 4:30 when we got there so I ate it, but then it turned out we had free dinner vouchers (and I knew I was staying up until 11:30 to play the concert and didn't want to be hungry), so around 5:30 I had around 2 cups of brothy sweet potato/miso soup, around 1/2 c. sauteed kale, and a tiny taste of foccacia and cous cous salad (this had dried fruit, nuts, and spices mixed in and was SO GOOD!). Then I noticed that they had VEGAN BROWNIES so I had a small piece (maybe 2x2 inches?) with a hot cup of tea w/ soymilk. It was delicious and I'm glad I tried it!

On Sunday morning I woke up and went to the dining hall. Everything looked good and it's rare that I'm somewhere that has such great vegan options, so in my quest to try everything I ended up eating a little too much: fresh cantaloupe, tofu scramble, and a small bowl of steel-cut oats with 2 different types of homemade granola, around 1 tbsp agave nectar, and some soymilk on top. Oh, and also a small (1x=1 inch?) piece of homemade vegan banana bread. This was all delicious but SO filling and I felt a little stuffed by the end of it. I'm not used to eating at buffets! So I went for a half-hour walk through the grounds, down to the lake, and up some hills (I am OUT OF SHAPE!) This breakfast (which I ate around 8:30) held me over until around 2:30 or 3 PM when I got back to NYC and went out to lunch with friends at a place called Harry's Burritos. I had the spinach plate, which comes with black beans, brown rice, sauteed spinach, a small (3–4 tbsp) container of guacamole and melted soy cheese (also had around 4 chips and a ton of salsa). It was SO good and filling but I was craving sweets so I had a tbsp of dark chocolate chips when I got home. Then had another propel energy drink and lounged around watching a movie. For dinner I had sauteed morningstar "chicken" strips with rice pilaf, and some candied almonds for a snack at The Dark Knight! I've been craving a "treat" lately (despite the brownie yesterday and the chocolate chips earlier today). Sometimes I find if I "rebel" like this in small ways, I can avoid binging down the road.

The bad part is, I still feel bloated from all the salt (probably mostly from the Mexican place, rice pilaf, and sugar yesterday), and I went over my weekly points allowance by quite a bit already this week. It's amazing how bloat can change your body image day by day (I felt great on Saturday and HUGE/out of shape/blah on Sunday!) Oh well, I'll just drink lots of water and try to eat "clean" and get some more activity in for the next few days. It is frustrating, though, to have such a variable body image! I guess the important thing is to understand that it's SALT/big meals that are making me feel that way; that it's a direct physical feedback rather than something that's out of my control.

I like the fact that on Core, I'm still paying attention to satisfaction cues even when I'm eating non-core stuff like the white rice pilaf and almonds (didn't finish the my serving of either, which is worth celebrating).

Today!
b: shredded wheat, sliced banana, and soymilk, with ~ 2 tbsp. reduced-fat shredded coconut
l: apple and around 2 c. of leftover lentil/pasta salad (SO GOOD: french lentils, whole-wheat spiral pasta, crumbled walnuts, sliced olives, and an olive oil/balsamic vinegar dressing)
X: 1-hour yoga class
sn: 2 c. watermelon/canteloupe, 2 plums, and a small handful of dried edamame
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: TBD—I have CSA romaine, corn, basil, arugula, onions, and cucumbers to use up, so I'll probably make a big salad! Also have black beans, salsa, and polenta... yum I'm getting excited for dinner.

7/25, celebrating

2008-07-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

It was very gratifying to be down 2.2 this week... my body was FEELING a lot better, and it would have been confusing if that had resulted in a weight gain. I really love that meeting! I look forward to it every week.

I spent 10 WPAs last night (on sangria, red wine, a few chips, and a nectar bar), but had a great time and thought it was all worth it (plus it was spread out between 8 PM and 1 AM!)

b: oatmeal made with 1/2 c. oats, 1 c. soymilk, and 1 mashed banana, with 1 tbsp. brown sugar "melted" on top; iced coffee w/ soymilk
sn/l: out for Koren food—spinach, tofu, mushrooms/green beans, a little rice, and some sushi. VERY tasty although the veggies were a bit oily. Also had an iced coffee and a couple pieces this weird rice/sweet red bean dessert (I felt AWFUL after this and will never eat it again!!!)
X: 1-hour yoga class tonight @ a new studio! (this was wonderful) I had a Propel energy drink split before/after the class because I was feeling dehydrated.
d: whole-wheat pasta "fauxlognese" made with Yves veggie crumbles, with some of my CSA zucchini! It was great. I stopped when full and saved the rest.
sn: post-movie (MAN ON A WIRE was GREAT!) I had a small bowl of sliced banana with a little shredded wheat and ~ 1/2 c. soymilk, and a few spoonfuls of coconut sorbet. Didn't overdo it and went to sleep feeling good.

7/24, ww day

2008-07-24T07:30:00.001-07:00

I feel good enough today that I'm not worried about weigh-in tonight. More than anything I'm just looking forward to the meeting! I've grown to depend on it as a weekly support group type deal.

I'm also really looking forward to another week on Core. There are a couple things that I want to tweak that will save me some WPAs:

- Replacing afternoon snacks with Core foods (e.g., fruit, veggies, dried edamame)
- Replacing evening snacks with Core foods (e.g., fiber one with fruit&milk)

b: oatmeal made with 1/2 c. oats, 1 c. water, 1 banana, 6 crumbled walnut halves, and 1 tbsp brown sugar (SO GOOD—tasted like banana bread); iced coffee w/ soymilk
l: apple; leftover veggies/morningstar "steak" strips from last night; 1 sl. sprouted-grain bread
X: 2-mile walk during lunch
sn: fruit salad (watermelon, cantaloupe, and a few grapes—YUM!) I also have dried edamame, raw snow peas, and a plum if I need another snack later.
WW: down 2.2!
d: BIG mixed-green salad with tofu, veggies, corn, chick peas, 1/4 an avocado, and
fat-free lemon herb dressing

Then I went out... first to a mexican restaurant and then to a bar/concert venue (had 3 tortilla chips w/ salsa, 1 glass of sangria, and around 1/3 glass of red wine... then around 12:00 I felt hungry so I ate a clif nectar bar)

7/23, and feeling like myself again

2008-07-23T07:52:00.001-07:00

It's weird . . . I've never had short hair (at least not since I was really young), but I feel like "myself" again after cutting it all off! It's given me a new energy (plus I think I'll avoid a lot of ponytail-headaches!!)

Yesterday I had dried edamame in the afternoon as well as a few almonds and a DELICIOUS piece of super-dark vegan chocolate. Post-spinning I had a banana/soymilk/ice smoothie and a bowl of fruit with a little cereal and more soymilk. I thought I would be good for the night, but around 10:30 I started craving protein so I had a veggie burger with soy cheese, a couple almonds, and 2 veggie chicken nuggets. It hit the spot!

b: ~2/3 c. shredded wheat, blueberries, strawberries, soymilk
sn: tofu slices, hummus, apple
l: lentil soup, cucumber slices, sugar snap peas, and a delicious piece of dark chocolate :-)
sn: boca vegan patty
d: morningstar "steak" strips with steak sauce, sauteed onions, squash, swiss chard, and beet greens (YUM!!!!), 2 slices of sprouted-grain bread (one with a little pb&j, for dessert!)
X: not sure if I'll be able to get in any formal exercise today, but will take a few short walks to make up for it.

7/22, and locks of love

2008-07-21T11:56:00.001-07:00

I'm saying bye-bye to a foot of hair this afternoon... this is a small triumph for me because I always thought I'd have to wait until I had lost a significant amount of weight to get a short haircut (the years of being teased for having huge cheeks are probably to blame), but I'm doing it today!

Last night's berry snack left me so full & satisfied that I wasn't even hungry for breakfast this morning (that never happens!). I had it at work around 10 and that worked out well. I need to make breakfast to-go more often!

b: soy latte, "museli" made with 1/2 c. oats, 1/2 c. soymilk, 1/2 c. blueberries, a sliced banana, and 12 almonds (let it sit in the fridge overnight so the oats absorbed the soymilk)
l: tofu and sugar snap peas with 2 tbsp. hummus; cherries
sn: dried edamame and probably another piece of fruit
X: 45-minute spinning class
d: TBD (not sure if I'll have time to eat @ home)

7/21, lovin' Core!

2008-07-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm really enjoying the Core plan so far. It's such a relief not to have to count pts. for things like plain soymilk, bananas, fruit salad, 2 tsp. olive oil... healthy things! I feel much more satisfied (especially from drinking more soymilk, for some reason) and also like I've avoided indulging a few times because I still have portion control in mind.

Had a great weekend with lots of tasty food (made quinoa for the first time in awhile, and enjoyed several delicious homemade smoothies with frozen banana, soymilk, ice, and vanilla extract). Got in a good workout each day, too; 30 minutes on the elliptical with some strength training on both Friday and Saturday, and 15 min. stationary bike, 10 min. treadmill, and a little strength training (plus an evening walk) on Sunday.

Today I'm exhausted from a restless night but enjoyed a wonderful yoga class mid-day (it feels great to do wheel pose again—it's been awhile since we've done it in class!) I always love yoga in the summer when it's warm and slightly humid; my muscles relax, I can stretch deeper and enjoy it so much more. I'm looking forward to trying out my yogajournal.com classes this week, too.

b: shredded wheat, a sprinkling of Fiber One caramel cereal, banana, soymilk, iced coffee with 1 packet sugar in the raw
l: brown rice, squash, garlic/olive oil sauce, tofu
X: 1-hour yoga class
sn: watermelon, and baby carrots and a small handful of dried edamame
d: big CSA salad with corn, avocado, tofu, 3 walnut halves, and 1 tbsp Goddess dressing; a few dark chocolate chips
sn (@ movie): a few peanuts and almonds, 2 twizzlers
sn (@ home, afterwards): bowl of berries with a sprinkle of cereal and ~1/2 c. soymilk

7/17, and Day 1 of Core

2008-07-17T07:50:00.001-07:00

I'm glad to be doing Core this week. I really needed a change!

b: shredded wheat, blueberries, strawberries, unsweetened soymilk, and around 1 tbsp shredded coconut (this was great!)
l: spinach/soybean dish, baby carrots, 1/2 bag popcorn
sn: blackberries and almonds (if nec.)
d: ordering thai again, this time in Queens
X: either a trip to the gym during lunch (probably around 20 min. cardio and some mat exercises/strength training) or a walk after work

7/16 and blog frustration

2008-07-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

This blog is making me mad these days, namely, because I don't feel like I'm making much progress on the food and body image front. I mean, is this going to go on forever? I feel like I go back and forth, and back and forth, between good and bad habits, security and insecurity, confidence and shame, and never get anywhere.

But that being said, I guess I'm learning a few things, SLOWLY, by making the same mistakes over and over and over... and they all boil down to the same few things:

a) not to keep junk food in the house
b) not to eat too much sugar or it'll make me eat more even when I'm not hungry
c) whole foods are more filling than processed ones
d) get enough protein or I'll never be satisfied
e) I need aerobic activity AND stretching/strength-training to feel like I have a balanced exercise regimen
f) listen to my body and take a day off when I need it!
g) assert myself around other people when I don't want to eat what/when they're eating
h) COOK MORE!
i) TALK to other people when something is bothering me; otherwise I'll internalize the frustration and turn it on myself
j) not to compare my eating/exercise habits to other people. Everyone is different.
k) to keep a food journal for peace of mind / to keep track of things that do/don't work
l) not to eat bland food! use spices, condiments, etc. or you will get BORED with healthy food

Okay, going to stop for now, but I guess that's more than "a few things." It's a lot of things to remember (and forget) over and over, I guess.

The other reason this blog is frustrating me lately is because I want to write about stuff that interests other people! So far it's basically been an account of my life and triumphs/struggles with food and weight. But the most important thing to me at this point is to have all my thoughts on the subject organized in one place, so I'll just let the content evolve naturally over time, if it wants to.

I've been feeling my focus straying from whole foods, so I think I'm going to try the Core plan for the next week (starting tomorrow morning). WAY too much work today so I skipped my afternoon yoga class :-( but will try to do one of my new downloaded yoga classes after work today.

b: ~1/2 c. grapes, 1 c. shredded wheat'n'bran, blueberries, strawberries, soymilk, and 1 tbsp. walnuts
l: 12 almonds, 1/2 pita, curried lentils and kale
X: 2-mile walk home from work
sn: banana/soymilk smoothie, a handful of shredded wheat and a few blueberries
d: thai tofu/veggies (around 1 1/2 c.), ~1/2 c. white rice

7/15, back from vac

2008-07-15T07:43:00.001-07:00

I had an awesome weekend in VA... highlights include tubing down the New River, swimming all day, driving through the countryside, one run that totally killed my thighs (hills!!), and lots of tasty food (perhaps too much). I wrote down everything and kept track of pts, which made me feel in control despite the indulgences.

I wonder what it would be like to live in a quiet country or mountain town. My sense is that I would spend a lot more time outside and feel generally more peaceful (but probably get bored much more easily). My biggest problem with NYC is that a lot of people don't seem healthy or happy, and it's hard to find peace and quiet...

I'm thinking about giving the Core plan a try starting on Thursday, just to change things up.

b: 1 c. vanilla soymilk, pb/jam on whole-wheat bread
sn: cherries, 1/2 a mini bagel
l: big mixed green salad from a deli around here w/ tofu, beans, veggies, and balsamic vinaigrette
sn: almonds
X: 45-minute spinning class
d: cold carrot soup, whole-wheat roll, curry tofu
sn (compulsive while fixing lunch for tomorrow): a little pb, a few dark chocolate chips (2 pts worth), 4 walnut halves and a small handful of dried cranberries... I should have just had a small, healthy snack and called it a night!

7/10 and WHAT MATTERS

2008-07-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

I saw a really, really awesome concert last night (the Avett Brothers at the River to River festival), then went home and wrote a song. The whole night got me thinking about what matters and what it means to live a full and honest life, and to not be held back by insecurities. I really, truly feel like my relationship with food holds me back from living a full life. Last night was such a relief because for the first time in a few days, I had music composition to channel all the nervous energy in my mind. If I don't have an outlet for it, I turn it on myself.

WHAT MATTERS is people, happiness, honesty, inspiration, doing what you love and making every day count. When I'm eating well and getting exercise and FEELING good, it enables all these things that matter. When I'm not, it's all I think about. And I definitely don't want to live the rest of my life with FOOD WEIGHT EXERCISE PANT SIZE BLAH BLAH BLAH at the forefront of my consciousness. I much prefer it when my brain is working out a new song, or anticipating a great yoga class or run, or a trip, or a gathering of friends.

b: banana/soymilk smoothie, blueberries/walnuts/wheat germ with a little soymilk, half a nana's chocolate chip cookie (was REALLY craving it so I indulged)
l: carrots and tofu with hummus, something else TBD
X: will try to make a trip to the gym during lunch
sn: probably almonds/piece of fruit
WW: +1.6 (not surprising after a week of little exercise and the trip home last weekend!)
X: 2-mile walk home, if I have time
d: will try to use up what's in my kitchen (cauliflower, greens, beans, bread)

I tried to go weigh in this morning, but the center near my apt. was closed! Oh well. I feel good and my appearance in the mirror doesn't bother me as much as it did a month ago, so I'm going to try to take this week's WI with a grain of salt. OTHER THINGS MATTER MORE.

7/9, and musings on exercise

2008-07-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

Got in a 3-mile walk last night before dinner (which was DELICIOUS: fresh summer rolls with plum/peanut sauce, steamed veggies and tofu, and a tofu/vegetable coconut curry dish with a little brown rice), so, even though I didn't make it to the gym, I feel good about having covered 5 miles on foot. I power-walked through the park for at least a mile; it's amazing how that can get your heart rate up even though you're not running! When I reached my destination I realized my heart was pounding.

Oh, and I bought an immersion blender last night and it ROCKS!! This morning's smoothie (which was just 1 c. unsweetened soymilk and 1 frozen banana) was creamy, frosty, and totally satisfying. I want to try making cauliflower puree tonight or tomorrow.

b: soymilk/banana "smoothie," almond butter and jam on 1 sl. whole-wheat bread
snacks to split pre/post yoga: peach, nectarine, carrots, sugar snap peas, 2 tbsp. hummus, 1 tbsp. guacamole (might get a small salad with some protein as well)
X: 1-hour yoga class (and the 2-mile walk home from work if it's not raining...)
sn: clif bar
d: just had a bunch of random stuff - dark chocolate w/ almonds, tofu/carrots/half a pita with hummus, a small soymilk/banana/blueberry smoothie

I'm feeling "lazy" this week because I haven't made it to the gym, and this bugs me. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this...

- I can tell that my body has physical energy (especially in my arms, for some reason!) that needs to GET OUT via push-ups, weights, running...
- I don't want to depend on the gym to make me feel like I'm not gaining weight! I want to be flexible with my exercise routine.
- I will not fall completely out of shape just because I haven't been to the gym this week.
- I would feel better if I just made the time to go.
- I want to be able to control my weight via food alone

No wonder this stresses me out! I used to rely on going to the gym every day for at least an hour, and feel fat if I didn't. I don't want to go back to that feeling, but at the same time, I miss being in shape!

7/15, and a stress list

2008-07-08T06:42:00.001-07:00

I made the mistake of falling asleep around 8:30 last night, so of course I was up again at 10 and couldn't fall asleep again until almost 2 AM... yarg! I felt awful last night... dehydrated and tired and in need of exercise. On the plus side, I got up early enough this morning to do the 2-mile walk to work. It felt SO good to start the day with some activity.

I'm annoyed at myself for mindlessly snacking on puffins cereal last night. After such a good weekend (and a triumphant one for personal reasons!) I feel like I am sabatoging all my efforts.

Here are some things that could be contributing to the stress level:
- lack of sleep!
- less whole foods than normal (I've been depending on things like bread, veggie burgers, and tofurkey rather than lentils, whole grains, edamame, etc.)
- eating less fruit than normal (which, in turn, leads me to overindulge on things like puffins and raspberry jam)
- lack of aerobic exercise/strength training (I've been depending on walking)
- realizing that a year has passed since I reached my highest weight ever, and that not much has changed, weight-wise, since then. I know this isn't the best way to measure success, but every once in awhile I think about it and it bothers me.
- realizing that I may need to do a major overhaul of my eating habits if I want to see any results... i.e., more protein, less carbs, more balance (but maybe this is just my mom/sister rubbing off on me)
- worrying that I spend WAY too much time and energy worrying about this when I could be "living my life" in so many other ways...

It'll be fine. Taking care of yourself is NOT always easy...

Today:
X: 2-mile walk to work
b: 1 sl. whole-wheat bread with almond butter, jam, and, half a banana; 1 c. soymilk
l: carrots, snap peas, sauteed greens, and either a big mixed-green salad or another almond butter/jam sandwich (it's the only thing that sounds good today!)
sn: almonds if needed
X: walk to dentist and home, if I have time!
d: out for Vietnamese food w/ a friend

7/7, back to the grind

2008-07-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

Stayed up way too late last night (had an 11 o'clock show, not the best before a Monday at the office...)

b: around 1 c. mixed puffins/shredded oats cereal, 1 c. soymilk, 4 walnut halves
sn: 6 almonds and an apple
l: veggie burger on whole-wheat bread w/ lettuce, tomato, ketchup, and mustard; 4 onion rings (went for a quick walk too)
sn: more almonds
X: 2-mile walk home from work
d: sauteed CSA greens, baby carrots, 1 s. wh.wh. bread with tofurkey, a little guac, and hummus; puffins (had some for dessert and then kept snacking on them... I don't think I should keep these in the house anymore!)

7/6, celebrations

2008-07-06T05:34:00.000-07:00

I'm actually really proud of myself... this is the first time in memory that I've gone home to my parents' house without struggling with food the whole time!!

I think that a big part of it is being vegan... many of the once-tempting options (read: ice cream, frozen yogurt, fudgsicles) are not open to me. But another big part of it is the fact that my mom and sister are both eating really healthily these days, and also that I'm being open with them about joining ww and trying to get a handle on my relationship with food. THAT more than anything, I think, makes the difference.

b: oatmeal with banana, soymilk, a few almonds and dark chocolate chips (!), and a drizzle of maple syrup
X: walk w/ Mom
l (on bus back to NYC): 12 almonds and a few sourdough pretzels, granny smith apple, pita with mixed greens and veggie chicken/steak strips
sn: trail mix (walnuts/dried cherries)
d: veggie burger/tofutti cheese/guac on a slice of whole-wheat bread with raw snap peas and cauliflower, a little hummus, a few jalapeno potato chips, and some dried fruit with a few pb puffins for "dessert"

went out to a bar and had a few sips of jack&coke and red wine (along w/ a cranberry seltzer)

Then, late-night (around 1 AM), was starving and had a slice of toast w/ almond butter and jam before bed (don't want to make a habit of this!)

Will try to get in a walk or quick run/elliptical workout either this morning before I get on the bus or this afternoon when I get home.

7/5, FILLING FOOD

2008-07-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

b: shredded wheat'n'bran, blueberries, strawberries, walnuts, soymilk, and a few cherries
X: walk w/ Mom and dogs
l: leftovers from last night (spinach, veggie "meat," baked beans), 12 almonds and 30 dark chocolate chips (BEST DESSERT EVER)
sn: 1/2 serving shredded wheat/blueberries/soymilk with a few pumpkin seeds
d: thai! sampling of various tofu/veggie dishes, around 1/8 c. white rice, and one spring roll
X: walk w/ dad and sis
sn: same as this afternoon's snack... it hit the spot!

All the fruits & veggies & whole grains I've been eating for the past couple days have been SO filling!

7/4, happy 4th!

2008-07-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

b: 2 sl. whole-wheat bread with almond butter and a little jam; peach; grapefruit juice; a couple walnuts
l: veggie burger on 1.5 slices whole-wheat bread with around 1 tbsp. canola mayo; big green salad w/ balsamic dressing; strawberries; luna bar
sn: cherries, blueberries, strawberries, 1/2 serving shredded wheat, 1 c. soymilk, a couple walnuts
d: sauteed spinach/tomatoes; veggie beef/chicken slices; ~1/3 c. vegetarian baked beans; 1/2 pc. corn on the cob

Also had some blueberries at a cookout after dinner...

As for exercise, went swimming this morning and did some light yoga in the afternoon.

I was SO happy that I had a loss at all this week, with all the birthday festivities. I'm honestly feeling better and better by the day (I'm on my 6th week of following WW and counting points).

7/3, missing ww mtg.

2008-07-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a good, aerobic workout since Saturday and it's starting to get to me!! Glad I had yoga and walking to tide me over these past few days...

b: 1 sl. whole-wheat bread with 2 tbsp. almond butter and 1 tbsp. raspberry jam (can't get enough), banana; decaf coffee w/ soymilk @ work

l: 2 sl. whole-wheat bread with tofurkey and vegan mozzarella; baby carrots; a few leftover cherries; sauteed swiss chard

WI: down .2

sn (on bus): luna bar, leftover baby carrots, almonds

d: out w/ friends in DC at a delicious greek place: we split chick pea salad, tabbouleh, hummus, babaghanouj, pitas, rolls, and 2 carafes of red wine!
dessert (@ home): 2 fruit leathers (grape and strawberry)

I'm sorry to be missing my WW mtg. this afternoon! (I'm going to stop by and weigh in before I get on the bus to DC.) Even in just a month, it's become a source of support and inspiration. I really like the leader and have met a couple really nice girls. I guess, more than anything, I'm happy to have found a meeting that I actually look forward to!

7/2 and bouncing back via food, not exercise

2008-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been a sort of experiment; I felt REALLY bloated and dehydrated and like I'd gained about 5 lbs. after my birthday weekend, and I wanted to see if I could get back to feeling "normal" without totally over-doing it on exercise. My first inclination was to hit the gym really hard so I felt the immediate effects of "sweating it out," but I wanted to see if a few days of fresh fruits, veggies, and water would do the trick. And based on how I'm feeling today, I think it worked! I feel much less bloated and better all-around, and I didn't risk injury or frustration over-doing it at the gym.

Yesterday I was on a work trip and brought my own sandwich, which I garnished with a ton of veggies from the salad bar. Avoided all the pasta and desserts because they had cheese and butter in them. Love it! Didn't get in a jog but did take the 2-mile walk home.

Today (doing mini-meals rather than big ones):
b: grapes, hemp granola/pb puffins, banana and a few leftover blueberries, soymilk
sn: 1 c. pb puffins
sn: 3 veggie chicken nuggets, raw veggies
sn: 2 sl. whole-wheat bread with 1 tbsp. almond butter and 1 tbsp. raspberry jam
sn: frozen grapes
X: 1-hour yoga class, 2-mile walk home from work
d: tofurkey and 3 veg. chicken nuggets with ~1/4 c. guacamole (YUM!), swiss chard, and a small bowl of hemp granola/pb puffins (around 2/3 c.?) with soymilk

6/30 and recovery...

2008-06-30T08:28:00.001-07:00

My pants are definitely tight after this weekend . . . I definitely enjoyed my birthday, but ate 3 meals out of the house (as well as 2 homemade strawberry/chocolate vegan birthday cupcakes!). Need to drink water, eat lots of fruits&veggies, and recover! I tracked everything, and although I'm over my WPA for this week, I had fun and it was all worth it.

b: 1/2 c. barbara's shredded oats cereal with blueberries, blackberries, and soymilk
sn: nectarine
l: leftover moo shoo veggies with 2 pancakes and tempeh; grapes; blackberries
X: walk during lunch (1–2 miles)
sn: kashi bar
d: CSA salad with 1 tbsp. goddess dressing, pasta with lemon and 1 tbsp. tahini, veggie crumbles sauteed with garlic and tomato
dessert: 1/2 c. chocolate/pb soy delicious!

no evening exercise although I did clean my apartment, so I wasn't just lying around!

6/27, quick post

2008-06-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

Down 1.6 yesterday!

b: oatmeal with apples, flax, vanilla soymilk, and almond butter (I sauteed the apples and unfortunately they didn't taste too great... I think the apple was too old. I only ate half of this)
sn: 1/2 a nana's chocolate-chip cookie, iced decaf soy latte
l/sn: CSA mixed green salad with tempeh, kidney beans, and sesame ginger spray dressing; edamame; soy jerky, kashi crunchy granola bar; and maybe a piece of fruit
X: 2-mile walk home from work, 2-mile run /walk in the park
d: snacked on some dry cereal and the other 1/2 of my cookie before the run, and just had some fruit and a slice of bread w/ almond butter afterwards

late-night: coconut sorbet as an early bday celebration!

6/26, ww day, and small celebrations

2008-06-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

I had a rehearsal last night that lasted until midnight, so I got home around 1, cleaned the kitchen because it was bugging me, and then passed out around 1:30 or 2. TIRED TODAY!

b: coconut water (YUM!), 1 1/4 c. barbara's shredded oats cereal, sliced strawberries, vanilla soymilk (great breakfast all-around)
l: CSA salad with tempeh, around 1 tbsp. bacos, a sliced radish, and olive oil/vinegar; 2 slices whole-wheat bread with 1 tbsp. almond butter
sn: sugar snap peas, kashi crunchy granola bar
WW: ?????
X: 2-mile walk home
d: SO GOOD: 1/2 c. angel-hair pasta with sauteed tempeh/garlic/zucchini/oregano/arugula, and a "dressing" made of 1 tbsp. tahini, rice wine vinegar, lemon juice, and olive oil. Also had a small glass of red wine, and later, 1/2 c. vanilla soymilk and a piece of dark chocolate. I haven't savored food like this in awhile!

No clue how WW is going to go this evening... I've had a decent week all around (good exercise, way less junk food than some weeks, smaller portions in genereal), but also went back on The Pill (which always messes up my system), didn't sleep enough, and had a few snack attacks and rushed meals. Well, we'll see!

I accomplished two small, but notable things yesterday:

1.) I was SO tempted to buy gingersnaps at the grocery store, but didn't, because I've learned from experience that I tend to eat them mindlessly when they're sitting around the house! Instead, I bought a single Nana's chocolate chip cookie and will enjoy it at some point this week.

2.) All I really felt like having for dinner last night was a bowl of cereal, but I knew (again, from experience, earlier this week!) that I would still want "real dinner" after I had the cereal, so I threw together something quick (the sauteed chinese cabbage w/ tempeh). I had a little bit of dry cereal on the side and was perfectly satisfied.

6/25 and impending birthdays

2008-06-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

I'm three days away from my 25th birthday.....

When I turned 24, I had this weird sense of urgency, like if I didn't "get my life together" this year I would never do it. I guess it was just the realization that two years had passed since I graduated from college and I felt like I hadn't made any progress, and was fighting a lot of the same battles and insecurities. So I feel like I should remind myself of the things that I have actually accomplished this year:

1. HEALTH: going back to ww meetings, starting this blog, taking up running again, going to spinning classes for the first time, doing more strength training. becoming vegan!

2. JOB: pitching my own projects even though it wasn't part of my job description, picking up the slack when a coworker went on maternity leave, being promoted from Editorial Assistant to Assistant Editor and managing my own books!

3. MUSIC: playing piano with a new group, doing my first solo show in August (!), branching out into writing piano music, being more vocal about my feelings in rehearsals

4. TRAVEL: I had never been to Europe until this year! I went to London, Paris, and Madrid, and had an amazing time on each trip.

5. FINANCES: I now write down everything I spend, and always know exactly how much is in my bank account. This is a huge step!! (Now to pay off the credit card...)

6. OTHER: Being more open with people in general, especially about insecurities and struggles. Making more of an effort to plan lunches with coworkers and make new friends. Trying to make small changes in my life that will last a lifetime.

I feel better now :) I have some concrete goals for my 25th year:

- go to ww meetings every week
- pay off my credit card
- run 10 miles in October and think about training for a half-marathon
- buying a digital camera and posting pictures on this blog!

b: oatmeal with 1/2 c. vanilla soymilk, strawberries, flaxseed, and 1 tbsp. almond butter
l/sn (will split before/after yoga): tofurkey sandwich, edamame, peach, nectarine, veggies w/ hummus, 1 c. pb puffins cereal
X: 1 hour yoga class
sn: kashi crunchy granola bar
d: sauteed chinese cabbage (YUM!) with 1 tsp sesame oil and tempeh; 1/2 c. barbara's shredded oats (dry), 2 veggie chicken nuggets, 1 pc. hickory-smoked soy jerky (YUM!)

6/24, and alcohol

2008-06-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

I feel like I ate a ton last night, even though it didn't really amount to that much... More than anything, I feel dehydrated from drinking beer instead of water when I was thirsty!!! Sometimes a cold beer sounds like the greatest thing in the world, and those are probably the times when I need water the most. I was craving exercise this morning but went to bed around 2:30, so I'm holding off for an afternoon spinning class.

I've been eating way more than usual today and I think it's just because I'm tired...

b: banana, 1 c. vanilla soymilk, 1 sl. whole-wheat bread with 1 tbsp. almond butter and 1 tbsp. blueberry jam
sn: 12 almonds, 3 veggie chicken nuggets
l: tofurkey/hummus sandwich on whole wheat; raw carrots, snap peas, cauliflower, and pea sprouts; 28 pistachios; 1 c. cherries
sn: 2 peaches, 12 almonds
X: 45-minute spinning class (and a short walk during lunch)
d: big spinach salad with chick peas, kidney beans, olives, cherry tomatoes, and lemon/olive oil dressing; 1/2 c. mango sorbet

6/23, and 3.5/10

2008-06-23T06:48:00.001-07:00

Had a great (and busy!) weekend with a trip to Coney Island, a great band rehearsal, good movies (Ocean's 13!), and lots of sleep. Plus, on Saturday, I upped my mileage and did 3.5 miles on the treadmill! It included walk breaks after each mile, but it still feels good to have jumped from 2 to 3.5 mi. without feeling any strain in my ankles or knees. I'm on my way to 10!

Plus, this was the first weekend since I started going to WW where I had WPAs left after the weekend! (Only 7 or so, but it's still improvement!) My week doesn't "re-start" until Thursday morning so having those extra pts. will definitely help over the next few days.

I feel ready to take on the workday today.

b: pb puffins cereal with 2 tbsp wheat germ, a sliced banana, and 2/3 c. soymilk
l/sn: salad with sesame ginger spray dressing, tempeh/chick pea salad (around 2/3 c.), baby carrots with 2 tbsp. hummus, 2 slices carrot/raisin manna bread w/ 1 tbsp. almond butter
X: walk downtown (~2 miles)
d: mixed green salad with beans, corn, a couple walnuts, and around 1 tbsp. balsamic vinaigrette
@ bar #1: 1 light beer
sn: luna bar
@ bar #2: 1 light beer
late night sn: 3/4 c. pb puffins and 1/2 c. vanilla soymilk (didn't need this but was REALLY craving it... I was probably just thirsty)

6/20, and progress

2008-06-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

It felt SO good to have a success @ ww yesterday; I've been paying close attention to portions/measuring out food/keeping track of servings, etc., and it paid off. I can only hope that if I continue doing it, progress will continue! My BMI is exactly 25 now, but I feel best when it's around 21 or 22.

The thing I'm happiest about on the "progress" front is how much more DOable exercise feels when I do shorter, more efficient workouts (i.e. 20 minutes interval training on the treadmill and 10–15 minutes mat stretching and strength training). I never get burned out on that workout, which makes me think I should keep doing it until it gets too easy for me, then up the intensity/length. It feels GREAT to be taking it slowly! (For that reason, I'm taking a second day off from the gym and just walking today.)

b: 2 sl. whole-wheat bread with 2 tbsp. pb and 1 tbsp. blueberry jam, soy chai tea latte (unsweetened)
l: sprouted-grain bun with tempeh and hot sauce; big CSA salad with 1/2 c. chick peas and some dried veggies, bacos, and herbs (with more Newman's Own sesame ginger spray dressing!), apple
X: 2-mile walk during my lunch break
sn: I have options! carrot/raisin manna bread, puffins, almonds (or maybe a mix of a little bit of everything!)
amstel light @ bar, 2-mile walk home
d: tofurkey on 1 sl. whole-wheat bread; around 1/4 c. vegan mac & cheese with 1 tsp olive oil; raw veggies; coconut sorbet (YUM) for dessert!